Just another day...

hammocks and i

2008-09-07T22:20:00.005+08:00

Absolutely gorgeous, no? I so wish I could be on that hammock right now. To hell with sunburn and sandflies. The hammock looks like heaven! (though technically I'd probably stand a high chance of dozing off on it and tumbling straight down into the waters, haha!)

There's a private affair between hammocks, clear blue waters, coconut trees and I okay... and I am completely emo about it *hmph!

I reckon, any place as beautiful as that is downright ILLEGAL. Even more so that it's completely and utterly unaffordable to be there for even a night.

Geez... guess I know where my favourite hangout will be when I'm nothing but a wandering Casper, hahaha! (I know, such a morbid thought... I should be aspiring to go there someday right, rather than visit only when I'm dead and long gone)

*ARGH! Sue May is lacking ambition and passion for work today... can't help it. It's a friggin' Sunday night.

Okay okayyyy... I aspire to go there one day

*squeezes eyes shut tightly and crosses fingers....

Mr. Munky

2008-09-06T20:59:00.006+08:00

Introducingggg.... *drumrolllll

--> Mr. Munky! (So superdupercalifrigginly cute huh? :))

With 2 thumbs, 6 fingers, and 8 lil toes. Whose long arms goes round my neck. With long funny ears. Tiny eyes. And a small tuft of hair. No tail. Absolutely charming, no?

Well, he went to bed with me! Bwahaha! That sounds so wrong.

Mr. Munky is the 2nd love of my life :) Hehehe! And he's coming with me on the plane to Bangkok! Maybe not to Australia though (if that ever happens), might cause a bit of a tug-of-war competition there. Not to mention one that's filled with jealousy and MDDs. Big no-no...

*XOXO thank you hun :)

...2 months and counting

i'm right...

2008-09-01T17:49:00.005+08:00

When you rush home from shopping just to talk to him.

When you smile inwardly as he places a piece of lobster he hand-peeled on your plate.

When what he thinks is all you care about.

When he reaches to take your hand at a pedestrian crossing.

When you can't wait to get off work everyday.

When you pick up a dress and wonder "Will he like this?"

When you're happy foregoing movies with your friends to rush home.

When he removes his scarf and lovingly wraps around you in the bitter cold.

When you smile to yourself reminiscing how it felt like to have his fingers intertwined with yours.

When he reaches across the table for your hand over dinner.

When you say "I love you" in a car full of people.

When you feel like a ditzy schoolgirl falling in love for the first time.

When you insanely feel like reaching into the computer screen, for just one touch.

When he says "It's gonna be alright", you truly believe it will be.

When you can imagine no other ever, anymore, but him.

That's when you know...

You're right.

...and hunny, I am. I just know.

Just do.

i just know it....

2008-08-31T18:42:00.006+08:00

Have you ever felt like you’re RIGHT about something. Like you’re not sure why, nor how. There’s no explanation for it. You just know it…

But then again, to “just know it”, takes a lot to get there. One would have to have been wrong a million times, before getting it right for the first time. As Edison says, (in relation to him discovering the bulb filament), “I wasn’t wrong a million times… it was just a million-step procedure to getting it right”. There’s truth to that. You don’t actually make a mistake per se, you just learn from experiences along the way, whether good or bad.

Back to the main topic…

Have you ever felt like you’re RIGHT?

At the same time, you’re afraid to say it, in fear of putting a jinx on it… to find out later on that it was all just a dream, or worst, a self-manifested piece of your imagination. Yet at the same time, you’re just dying to nudge the one next to you and go “Hey… guess what. You know what they say, about “knowing it when it’s right”? …I KNOW IT!!!” before beaming with pride.

It lives in you like a happy bubble. Bouncing around, full of energy. Ecstatic even. But delicate, and self-contained. Get what I mean? (bahhh… don’t give me that weird look, I’m not going crazy).

And you, my dear, I just know it…

I do.

-------

And his reply to it was...

"Yup, for about a year now *grin
But I didn't want to be the only one who felt that way, so I waited for you..."

That totally gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside :)

5 lessons...

2008-08-30T00:29:00.002+08:00

Lesson #1. Don't be overly optimistic. Nothing is a bed of roses.

Lesson #2. If you're disappointed, there's only yourself to blame. No one brings up your own hopes more than you do yourself.

Lesson #3. Get real. Differentiate between life and dream.

Lesson #4. Recite the 3 mantras above

Lesson #5. Remember all the above for God's sakes...

P.S. Don't ask.

happy day!

2008-08-21T21:57:00.007+08:00

I just realized… there are more people who reads my blog than I think. For a while (when it first started), I know of a handful who read it diligently. Until I ditched it for a while, then I think they stopped coming. Now… well, there are definitely more than just a handful. Know what the scary part is? I don’t know who exactly is reading it! I’m pretty sure Architect and KayDee have stopped reading though. There was this period in time where the both of them would “May, how come you don’t update your blog anymore” which the same reply would always come from me… “NO TIME LA!”. But then again, that’s my excuse to just about everything now *Tee-hee~! But TRULY people, I truly have no time at all.

Ambitiously, I bought two brand new books last month (just after returning from Melbourne), planning to finish it in probably 2 weeks each? Jeez, I’m still on Chapter 2 of the first book… and its actually a pretty good book! Think it’s called “Chasing Harry Winston” by the same fella who wrote “Devil Wears Prada”.

The same kinda book cover even, just that instead of a red stiletto, it’s a green one! I know this sounds way bimbotic, but I just love the book cover. Read most of it in the car, while stuck in morning traffic. Note that I said “morning” traffic, because when I leave office at the end of the day, it’s usually NIGHT. Heck. Read what in all the darkness leh? Unless I keep aiming to stop my car at every traffic light under a street lamp (which would be pretty pathetic). Think I’ve seen one of those little reading lamps where you can attach to your book. Portable even. Excellent! Now, it’s just back to the same issue… I need to FIND time to go shop for a reading lamp. *GAH!!! This is pathetic. Was just complaining to BetterHalf last night that the case used to be “Ample time, no money to shop” while now it’s “No time to spend the money I earn” (can’t really use the word “ample money” here, see… haha! clearly not the case!).

Speaking of that, it’s a pretty LLB day today. Which is good for a change. The past few days have been absolute madness. Spent my weekend working, spent my MC working while covered with flea-infestation-like kinda itch (allergy la!)… damn sesame oil from Ole-ole Bali. Though the food there was actually pretty good, love the décor as well. Will take some pics next time. * I must, I must, I MUST remember NEVER to step near any kinda sesame infested looking food / sauce.

Coz’ 4 days later and I’m still having weird red spots that seems to appear everywhere (at places you ever imagined could ever have a rash… for example, on your nose… what were you thinking!). Jeez. Who has a rash on the nose anyway?!

(And all that verbal diarrhea was typed at office :))

Anyway but I'm home now... after a:-

1. TS charm bracelet polish (btw, I'm swearing off TS... and despite what the TSLady said about "keeping it in a pouch", bla bla bla... I reckon, for that kinda money spent, I rather be getting T&C *bahhh);

2. MNG top for work (nothing fancy at all, it's work... and at a bank, it's not Vogue); and

3. an Evita's headband (no, I'm not being TooClassyForMyOwnGood to be splurging on Evita's but their headbands NEVER break, no kidding).

Total damage < RM200. OKAY WHAT! :) I'm happyyyy... and not broke. Still can afford a ticket to Aust. Hahaha! Geez... think the day I break the news "Ermmm... think my ticket is kinda hanging on my shoulder, looks something like a bag, with monogram prints. I have no idea how it got there though! I swear! Not my fault. Before giving the "ULTIMATE" puss-in-boots look. Hahahaha! Died-ed...

And that's just the bag. Wait till the Gucci sunnies... AND the phone comes along. Bwahahaha! *takes deep breath - chill chill...

*recites mantra - I must not shop so much...

a dooodoll...

2008-08-19T23:02:00.003+08:00

Black. Strange. Big eyes. Absolutely ugly. Outta place. Weirdo. Freakish.

Yet I feel the fella reflects me best :)

and life sings la la la =)

2008-08-19T22:07:00.003+08:00

I reckon... I have strange taste in music. There are days I listen to Mika. Also days I listen to Chemical Romance. Then there are days I'd like some Frank Sinatra. (Though, never any Evanescence). Or even Enya. And obviously those days where I replay Buble and Krall over and over again.

Today... it was Teresa Teng. Hahaha! Okok, laugh. I know, so weird right? If I were born in the 50's, I'd be an old lady now, bobbing up and down to Teresa Teng on an old record player, sitting on a rickety rocking chair sipping tea. Think black and white TV era. No, really.

Know what's even weirder? I know the lyrics to her songs! Then again you'd probably be thinking "Who doesn't know her 'yue liang' song". But it's not just that song! I know at least 5 out of the 22 in her album. Hahaha! Okay, wipe that weird look off your face. There are just... well, days.

Playing now... Mika - Grace Kelly :)

my life in a snapshot...

2008-08-17T21:16:00.002+08:00

If I were to sum up my life in one picture... it would be this picture.

Life-defining moments, everything, and everyone precious to me... all that I hold dear and close to my heart. Always.

wouldn't it be nice...

2008-08-16T16:59:00.003+08:00

When you're walking, on those hills alone
With the sound of the trickling stream
And chirping birds
Playing to the music in your heart

Please remember dear

I'm always beside you
Wherever you are

l o n e l y

2008-08-13T21:20:00.004+08:00

Today... I can't help but feel a tad lonely.

So different from my uni days. Those were the days where I'd take every opportunity I can get to slip off quietly early in the morning. I'd take a bus to the city by myself, walk up and down George St, take photos, shop, have a latte at some streetside cafe, just watching the hustle and bustle of Sydney. It was an escape. Not that I didn't enjoy the company of others, but there are just some days where you feel like being alone.

Now, I'm constantly walking, having lattes, shopping by myself. That's not by choice.

Just the other day I was telling MrAlex, it's important to enjoy your own company. To not feel lost when there's no one around. I've just learnt to enjoy my own company. In which he said I'm mad anyway.

Some people say I'm too independent and too strong for my own good. Well, I disagree. For example, say if I wanted coffee badly and there was no one to have one with me, I'd go out and get myself one. If I feel odd sitting there alone, I'd grab a mag with me. If I still feel odd sitting there alone, I'd take away and come home to drink in the comfort of my own living room!

And so... I shall be patient. And lonely. And drive myself everywhere. And grab my own lattes. And go shopping on my own. And bring my own scarves to keep warm. And watch movies with Ai-Li. And sit my butt here, and wait...

just 7 minutes...

2008-08-05T22:11:00.004+08:00

Running through the woods
All but just 7 minutes left ticking
The crunch of leaves beneath my bare feet
It's got to be autumn

It's the tide that fall brings upon
The sudden chill in the air
The sunlight robbed in your slumber
The eerie serenity that creeps in
It has to be autumn

By the quaint wooden dock I sit
Dipping my bare feet into the icy water
I watch as the ripples spread
Reminiscing of the 7 minutes
Knowing that wherever you are
We're sitting under the same grey skies
Wondering, if you're thinking of me too

I sit alone waiting

Simply because
I know that after the chills have gone
When winter leaves

Spring will be here...

absolutely/mostly gibberish...

2008-07-30T21:27:00.004+08:00

What can I say. I'm exhausted. I'm both mentally and physically drained. You know, how sometimes after a long day, you find just staring at a blank wall so comforting? *sigh... well, at this moment, I'm just wishing there was some loving arms to crawl into though. Reckon, there's no remedy better than that.

Since there's no hugs/cuddles, I resorted to a nap (And I don't usually nap, I find it a complete waste of time. The only times I nap are ones where I really don't feel well). And voila! Feeling a wee bit better. Though not completely. Still thinking about the MC tomorrow. Also, I brought all my work home to do since when I left the office, I was already feeling kinda disoriented, figured I better pack work home on a "just in case" basis.

Anyway, I'm procrastinating work tonight. Screw that. I'm tired, and falling sick soon. Just don't wanna be bothered for once! *sticks out tongue

And so I diverted away... and lookie what I found on the net...

Absolutely adorable huh.

Speaking of absolutely... that reminds me; what's the difference between 'absolutely' and 'most'? Which is more exhaustive than the other?

(hang on, am referring to ol' faithful www.dictionary.com which Thesaurus ALWAYS saves my sorry 'butt' at work from writing letters after letters with all the OmgSuperficialFancyWords&PhrasesWhichDoesNoValueAddingButSoundGrand...)

Okay, here goes...

Absolutely (ab·so·lute·ly)
1. without exception; completely; wholly; entirely
2. positively; certainly.
3. (used emphatically to express complete agreement of unqualified assent):

E.g. Do you think it will work? Absolutely! <---- Haha! I like this one... sounds kinda familiar.

Versus

Most (most)
1. in the greatest quantity, amount, measure, degree, or number
2. greatest, as in size or extent
3. the greatest quantity, amount, or degree; the utmost <---- I like the ring to that word :)

Hmmm... actually both sounds equally exhaustive. Hehe! Lalala... okay, you win. Think the words used to describe "Absolutely" sound more FancyPants than my "Most".

Kay, enough verbal diarrhea for the day...

infatuation vs love

2008-07-26T02:13:00.002+08:00

Infatuation - ( in . fat . u . a . tion )

A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction. See Synonyms at love.
An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

In other words... infatuation is simply immaterial. It is nothing. Here today, gone tomorrow. Get what I mean? Though most of the time, you can't tell it's just infatuation until you stop being attracted to the person. So, the deal here is, how do you tell if it's infatuation? How do you tell when it crosses over to being more than just attraction? According to my married friends/colleagues, "You just know".

MrBoss asked the other day in Sabah "Have you met the one you want to marry?", my reply was "I don't even have a boyfriend to start off with...". He laughed and said "Well, believe me, when you do, you will know. There's no explaining how or why. You just know it".

Sounds a little too miraculous, no?

Love - ( l0ve)

A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.
Person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

Strong word huh? Extremely. Again, how do you know love is really love, and not just some high school crush? Though of course, I must say that I've seen quite a few puppy loves blossom into stable relationships in their adulthoods. So again, who am I to judge such things. I guess when you do, you just know it. (that's what lost people tell themselves... "when we find our way, we will just know it that we're on the right track, so keep walking!") --- though please don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that I'm lost. I most definitely hope I know what I'm doing. I hope I'm on the right track too, and not just feeling in the dark. To put it simply, you never try, you never know :)

I love this...

"You want to know what happiness is?

It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you.

You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent and vulnerable state, breathing as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but their own.

You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them.
You turn back around and involuntarily a grin forms on your own face.

You feel an arm wrap around your waist...
and you know it doesn't get any better than this."

And I'd like to end my post today, with this...

"I don't regret anything from my past, no matter how bad it seems in hindsight, because every little step I took was leading me right to you."

just another day

2008-07-20T19:38:00.000+08:00

2008-07-19T20:36:00.004+08:00

Somebody commented today...

"You're right here, but your mind is nowhere here."

I don't know how more true that statement can get. I totally agree. Half the time, I think only half of me is present. Depends on how much I have on my mind actually. The more I have on my mind, the more I'm 'present but absent'. I'm a person who reflects, who speaks, of only a total of 10% of my thoughts. Of course, there are the exceptional few whom I am completely myself with. Some say I'm happy go-lucky and carefree. Some say... I'm too enclosed, that I don't share, that I'm completely two different people at the same time.

Anyway... life has been the MOST eventful. Irony. Surprise. Sudden turn of events. But again, life is full of surprises, no? I looked at myself in the mirror... and I laughed at myself. Amazing.

I wanna laugh, and dance, and scream and shout, and cry all at the same time.

Know how that feels? Insane.

Reckon I prefer the happy-go luckyness...

Melbourne (9th-14th Jul 08)

2008-07-16T23:14:00.013+08:00

Sis and I... early in the morning, while the sleep is still lingering in our eyes. We're alike in many ways, yet worlds apart in a million ways as well.

Family shot... at Federation Square, along Yarra River. Its unbelievable how I can still remember where the river is and that the Square is on the Flinder's end. After like what, 3 years since?!

The godbrother who so graciously chauffered us around town... shot taken at Chapel Street, with yummy Gloria Jeans mocha in hand *dreams

The dwarf family portrait and some building on Chapel Street... in other words, cam-whoring in the middle of nowhere :p Yeap, I guess it runs in the family, haha!

The Bestie aka. O' wise one when I'm the foolish one... he's the one who keeps me in check. Thank you so much for everything throughout all the years. Yes, I know I have failed you a million times by now though, haha!

Se7en was it? (no idea, how it is spelled). But anyway, lo and behold, Kaydee (aka Daniel) and Kai... with Kaydee still at his sober phase, before he ran around announcing how he had a million Bacardi151's in a row *tsk tsk... No shame!

A completely alcohol-free shot :) (See! I DO do you both some justice...)

Family at Mornington on a Saturday morning, where the weather was "supposedly" bright and sunny. Turns out, we were freezing our butts off. The whole Mornington trip kinda turned into a "run out of the car, take 3 photos, and run back into the car" kinda thing. But thank you so much Daniel (aka the godbrother), for bringing us around :)

My best friend, for 23 years.

Old school/college/uni gatherings. I guess what they say is right... "As you grow older, the world gets a whole lot smaller". It really does. Walking along Melbourne streets, I can bump into MrDanielSeet, and MissyCandice at Il Dolce. How much smaller can the world get? I'm not even in Malaysia! Don't think I even bump into that many people I know in KL in that short span of time!

This post took a whole 41 mins of my day, that was enough to rob me off doing the proposal due tomorrow morning, haha! But really, I'm so tired. I'm not focusing anymore. I shall just chuck it to tomorrow morning... (and be beheaded for it :p)

Night peeps... sweet dreamsSssss

*blows kiss to the far far away one...

mdd...

2008-07-07T21:21:00.004+08:00

Diana Krall's Narrow Daylight playing...

You know, that feeling where your breath catches at your throat *sigh... :(

Time is passing way too slow *tick tock tick tock*

How ironic. I was just saying the other day "You know, with every minute that passes, you're one minute closer to heaven". I know, I know. It's a morbid thought. When you look at time that way, it does seem really fast. Though on the flip side, time also has an annoying habit of slowing down to snail's pace when you're wishing it could just speed up a wee bit faster *sulks

day 2

a bla day...

2008-07-06T22:53:00.003+08:00

My day... has been, LONG. SO SO SO LONG. Unbelievable. Anxiety attack. A nervous breakdown. Just a random thought... know what the funny thing is with time? When you don't wait, time zooms... the moment you pause to check the time and actually wait, that's when it starts being sluggish. A minute feels like an hour, a day feels like a year *sighhhhh. Can I just hibernate for 2 years and resurface later on? Somehow time passes a lot faster when I'm sleeping (which also explains the morning syndrome of "omg, its time for work already?!").

Anyway, after getting nagged a GAZILLION times from mum&dad, I started packing. I walked into granny's room, to get my winter clothes... and behold, my maid's reaction:

"Wah! Miss! Lari rumah ya?"

I haven't packed in SO long, I forgot how to pack. I remember those days, packing to and fro Sydney, it all felt so easy! Now I'm beginning to understand how MrPanda fell asleep on the floor from pure exhaustion of packing. Winter jackets, sweaters, scarves... all from my Sydney days. Hidden and stashed into every corner. Omg.

i h a t e p a c k i n g ~ !

If only there was some machine... where I could stash my wardrobe in. Pick from a computer screen, what I want to bring and the machine maximises the space in my luggage and pack accordingly *dreams. Hahaha!

day 1

sheep counting...

2008-07-05T07:34:00.004+08:00

Its 7.35am on a Saturday morning...

I don't even get up this early when I'm working.

Slept at 1. Kept hearing a roaring sound, woke up at 3. Went back to bed.

Dreamt I was back in Sydney, and for some reason back at Dunmore Lang College, and staying at the old wing! The feeling when mum first left me there in my first year, was all too familiar. The only difference is, this time I know where the dining hall is, where the bathrooms are. Though obviously the people I once knew there are no longer there. I'm all alone. Apparently pursuing my MBA.

Woke up at 5.30 again. Went back to bed, dreamt of work.

Woke up now. Entirely give up trying to sleep. This feeling, this restless sleep. This countless dreams I encounter in one night, reminds me of exam days. You know those days where you sleep with a friggin' anxiety attack? Well, I do. When I'm worried, or restless, just having too many thoughts in my head, this tends to happen. Though during study days, my consecutive dreams at night were all about... either the paper the following day, or some bizarre formulas running through my head.

Anyhow... I keep thinking about that quote, I saw next to the lift door yesterday at client's office. I remember pointing it out and laughing, mentioning how MrKPH the pessimist should make that quote his life mantra.

I can't remember the exact words, but this is roughly how it went...

"When one door closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us"

I found it quite meaningful. And true. And I was telling MissST over dinner earlier over a bowl of puffy mushroom soup (which was a very good recommendation, babe) that we're way too pessimistic for our own good. Pessimism literally eats you up, inside out. And I've seen people go down that road, headed straight for a disaster. I guess the key to that quote is, you just have to "stop staring at the closed door", it friggin' ain't opening again. It's a sign that you have to find a different approach!

Classic example.... Beauty and the Beast.

See, Belle got stuck in the castle with the Beast. True, she did camp out in her room for a while just simply drowning herself in sorrow and self-pity of being stuck with a Beast and losing her dad. But the moment she put that thought/attitude aside, she started seeing a lighter side to things. She even fell in love with the castle (and the Beast) and would have stayed, had she not found out her dad was ill. See that? The moment you stop staring at the closed door, another opens. Its true.

I do think a lot... well, I definitely think more than I show. I'm not really the kind who can chuck things aside and tell myself "screw it". The moment I can achieve that, I've clearly put a lot of thought into it beforehand. I won't say I'm a rash person, most definitely am not. Which is also probably why I'm in DCM, and financial modelling, analysing project bankabilities, rather than being a trader and taking giant amounts of risk at Treasury. Haha! It would probably take my like half a day to make a decision and by then, market conditions would have changed, and I'd need another half day to go through my thoughts again.

I guess bubbly personalities can sometimes be deceiving :) Though overall, I'd still very much like to think that I'm a happy-go-lucky person. I still think I am *dances around*.

beach bum...

2008-07-03T19:36:00.004+08:00

I n e e d a b e a c h h o l i d a y ~ ! ! !

Everyone who knows me has probably heard that on average, about once every week. Please take note guys, I didn't say "holiday" ok. I said BEACH holiday. There's just something about the sun, sea and sand. And coconuts and star gazing. Just feels... carefree!

Doesn't it?

Each time I think about the beach, I think about running, laughing, splashing around, with absolutely no care in the world. Maybe the influence of too many ads. I realise all beach ads kinda centre around that.

HmMmm... maybe somewhere exotic. Like say, Phi Phi island! Or... Bali, even. Or less ambitiously, I'd even settle for 3 days 2 nights at Perhentian/Redang *dances around*.

Well well, what can I say... other than my bestie is an EXCELLENT photographer :)
(*ahem* you better be buying me lunch next week for the free advertising)

....and looking at photos of the beaches definitely does not help.

speechless...

2008-07-01T21:59:00.003+08:00

Life is so ironic, so unfair, that I could laugh out loud. Its so... totally unfair that its hilarious. Things that happen to me, only happen in movies. Truly. The whole drive home I've had only one thought in my head "why me".

Someone told me today... it takes more to hate than to love. I agree.

But it takes more out of me to be upset than to be angry. Anger gives you determination. Sadness doesn't. That's just my opinion. Anger holds me together... simply because if I were less angry, I'd just crumble. And if I fall, who's there to catch me :) Which is why, I rather be angry, and not fall, although it takes more out of me. I know it sounds silly, so much so I feel like laughing, screaming, crying at the same time.

And for what apparent reason? Too many.

There were days in the past, where I felt like I couldn't go on... but my mantra was "God won't put you through what He knows you won't pull through". Or alternatively if that doesn't work, I'd tell myself the lame excuse "It's fate" although I don't really believe in that. I believe you've gotta work for what you want, nothing is gonna fall on your lap. Risk-reward system :) By risking, you throw yourself in, and of course run the risk of crash&burn. Then again, if you don't, you will never, for the rest of your life know how it all could have been.

There's a saying... "I'd rather have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Now that's a classic example of a risk-reward system :) Though if you crash&burn, there's no one to blame or be angry at, other than yourself. Then again, on the upside, I know I wouldn't be curious for the rest of my life wondering how it all could have been. Its a vicious cycle, I know.

Well... what can I say. I'm speechless.

Do you know what holds for me at that end over there?

Well... neither do I.

random...

2008-06-30T22:48:00.004+08:00

I heard this song this morning on Light FM...

"let me sing you a field full of waving flowers,
I'll sing of the sun on the sea,
oh this is the way that you make me feel,
every time you smile at me,
will you only smile for me..."

I know, its a really old song and the dude is dead as well (apparently). But anyway the first thought that crossed my mind when I heard it was "Omg, is it a Gardenia ad?". Well, the tune sounds like a nursery rhyme. But I love this verse of lyrics though :)

It got me thinking...

Wouldn't it be nice if your smile could take someone's breath away? You know, like how it works in the movies. When she smiles, she lights up the room, and yada yada... she's the only one he sees and his world stops right there. Get what I mean? Yeah I know, its only in the movies. But c'mon, wouldn't it be so nice, knowing that your smile has that effect on someone?

Anyway, on a random note, I was kidding around with the sis just now over some texts and this is what she said...

"You're like constantly on sugar high you know. 24/7 hUAHAHAHWOHoooO!!
Your inner child is now the outer child too."

She got me laughing like crazy to myself in the car. Hilarious. I don't know if I've ever said this but she really makes me laugh. I love annoying the crap out of her, and I think she secretly loves me annoying the crap out of her too. To put it simply, its a love-hate relationship which of course, cultivates more love than hate.

Oh and lookie what I stumbled upon :) *grin
Now this one definitely makes me smile...

~An-an @ Ocean Park, Hong Kong

sydney fever

2008-06-30T00:16:00.006+08:00

Know what I miss guys? Those nights we spent sitting around each other's rooms, having supper, gossiping, talking rubbish, bitching, laughing, crying... and of course, studying and doing assignments on each other's beds, floor, balcony, whatever. We saw so much of each other, its sickening! Haha!

And Sylvia, I am most definitely making it a point to see you in Singapore. I must!!! For old times sake. Though I'm not sure if I can get the leave at this moment but the worst case scenario is to take half of Friday off, head straight to the airport and be there by evening (in my work clothes), haha! Too bad Jonathan's missing out on it =p Please confirm your flight back there and I will book my tickets there!

Was looking through some Sydney photos... at our friggin' 11 hour long journey up the mountains for our ski trip (horrendous! I still remember what we did... in the middle of the highway... probably shall not be disclosed in public here, haha!). And how tired we were the following day but still excited nonetheless...

And Valedictory dinner :) Thank you both for the testimonial! And flowers! *HUGS and this is must sound really random, but working for DLC was actually REALLY fun. Well, I'm truly sorry Homer, but I need to admit that Sylvia and I always end up doing hour long bankings, because we do our shopping along the way! Haha! Though I'm sure Homer has always known that, he just turned a blind eye and kept quiet about it =p

a dream...

2008-06-26T22:22:00.003+08:00

There are days... well, like today.

Where I put Diana Krall - Narrow Daylight on repeat. And draw. I find comfort in that, strange huh? Comfort from what, I don't know. I just find it oddly, peaceful. When I hold up my sketchbook and pen... I imagine myself to be sitting on a park bench in the shade of a tree, which does not necessarily have to be big and old. Just shady. And facing an old church... while the soft breeze hurries the leaves along the path. Softly. Gently. The sun is kind, air is cold. A good cuppa mocha beside me. I sketch. Isn't it lovely? I just love it, for some strange reason.

The same goes to... waking up in the morning. My ideal way of waking up is, to the sound of waves. Smell of salt on the wind the sea carries in its morning tide. The call of birds overhead. The feel of wood beneath my feet as I step out of bed, and out onto the balcony. Laze on the deck chair, with the morning papers and again, a good cuppa mocha. Great way to start the day huh? Well, if I started my day everyday that way, I'd never make it to work actually.

Or...

Coming home from a long day of work, to a cosy cottage. A long bath in the tub... with some lavender scented candles, some Diana Krall. Then proceeding to settle in a good ol' rocking chair. A fireplace to warm the room. A warm blanket (assuming this is somewhere cold, of course). A good cuppa mocha. And my favourite book :) And Diana Krall sings... "Winter is over, Summer is near... Are we stronger, than we believe"

I might have been an English in my previous life. Definitely a romantic. Most probably not an Asian. Might have been overall more mellow too. Just simple. I love it :)

*shrugs

Just a dream...

i cried

2008-05-22T23:45:00.002+08:00

I cried...

I watched Ugly Betty crying while uttering "I can't watch the one I love fall in love with someone else"

And I cried

I watched Grey's Anatomy, watched a soldier die with his gay lover looking on and kissing him goodbye...

And I cried

When Meredith kept repeating to herself "He's with Rose"

I cried

When Yang told Chief that "Burke is gone... but she's there, still there, wearing the same scrubs, still living in his house, still sleeping on the same bed, always been there"

I cried

Then I looked up at the clock, saw 11.51pm, saw the date on my computer - 22nd May 2008, and I cried.

BIG DEAL.

Yes I cried... over all and every thing that I don't usually give a fuss about. Yes I don't care what you or anyone or whatsoever else thinks, but I cry. I have a heart, I have feelings, I am not the solid rock I often portray myself to be.

I cry when I'm unhappy, I cry over sad movies, I cry and emphatise with damn Ugly Betty and that arse of a Grey's Anatomy.

So what. Sue me.

absolutely hate...

2008-05-13T22:11:00.002+08:00

I hate love songs video clips... especially the chinese ones. The guys in them are too sweet and the girls too pretty. Dammit. They make me wanna cry too. Although I have no idea what the song is about... given my unrivaled expertise in deciphering a word here and there hence yielding GIBBERISH eventually.

Leo Ku's - Qing Ge Wang <------- somewhere along the effects of Notebook.

Or worse even... coz it leaves you wondering if they friggin' ended up back together in the end. So darn sweet la. Though I have no idea what the chinese words are saying. Crap. I'm such a sucker for shit like that. Got me feeling all sad... *sigh* how pathetic.

Whatever the hell la!

All that crap plus the fact that Pico died... and Penny is soon to end up at the bird park :( *sniff* I really feel like crying. Though not really attached to Penny, but still, he's adorable. So fat, so cute.

**Note: Both Pico AND Penny are boys... suspect they're homos though. Snuggling up to each other all the time. Especially Penny. I really thought he(she) was a girl, coz he(she) was snuggling up against Pico all the time. Pico was damn man though... AND don't friggin' mind the names ok! When I named them, I didn't know whether they were chicks or dudes. So the names just stuck.

So now I have the girliest most manja dog on earth named Snoopy

And a homo male bird named Penny... :)

Welcome to the zoo of weirdness.

nothing...

2008-04-27T22:32:00.005+08:00

You know that feeling? The one which makes you wanna dance and sing... laugh and cry... all together at the same time. That overwhelming wave that sweeps over you... leaving you in a daze. Where you have NO idea what just happened. All you know is that you feel darn good. Darn good about yourself, darn good about the world and everyone around you. Like Mondays are Sundays and tears are only those of joy. You know that one?

Well... I haven't been there in a long long time. I can't even remember how it feels like. That's how it is. Every smile is hard to come by.

The one keeping me afloat

Girls' Night Out...

my journey...

2008-04-07T23:27:00.003+08:00

I headed north east

But lost my way in between

I wonder... if I should have taken the first left

Or should I have taken the right lane at the fork

Or if I should have turned off at the intersection

Or maybe even stopped at the station for a map

In the midst of my panic

I did take many turns

And managed to lose myself again, while already at a loss

I wonder... if I would find my way back if I traced my steps

If I could find the exact spot I started off at

If I could begin my journey all over again

Would I have taken the same route...

Would I have ended up here again?

Most likely not

But then again, who knows

so close...

2008-03-23T23:57:00.002+08:00

Where art thou, my famous happy ending...

for the gazillionth time today... *sigh (again)

2008-03-22T02:52:00.004+08:00

Isn't it amazing, how we are capable of feeling sometimes. In the span of 24 hours... I have been surprised, close to tears, disappointed, happy, silly, anxious, angry, heartbroken, and currently completely numb. I'm exhausted from all that adrenaline push and pull everywhere. Literally drained.

I conclude... in general, this is how life works. Things happen, when you LEAST expect it. And things you expect MOST to happen, does not. Or at least, that's how life has been treating me so far.

On a more positive note, life is like a friggin' orchestra (this is the No Black Tie talking by the way...). You just have to know what to do and when to come in at the right time. Else, all hell breaks loose. Agree? It has always been that case for me though. Never really mastered the art of being tactful with the whole emotional department.

Believe me, I'm so sick of dramas at the moment... I just feel like hiding in a hole and coming out on Monday to go to work (that's also only coz' I have to... else I'd just hibernate till... summer I guess, where it's warmer?).

Oh oh or I could hide under the bed and play Burger Rush all day... okok, I think I could deal with that. Looks like I have my Saturday and Sunday all mapped out already.

...Shut up, its not pathetic.

sunflowers...

2008-03-17T20:52:00.004+08:00

Its on days like these... where a field of sunflowers would do me some good. Some strange remedy huh...

fragment of a dream...

2008-03-16T01:33:00.004+08:00

Have you ever watched the rain fall
The incessant taps on your window screen
The sudden chill it brings
The sadness, the loneliness
Altogether.

Have you ever felt like it was speaking to you
Reaching out to you.

Telling the story...

Of a girl you passed this morning on the streets
Of whom has no idea
Where the pavement she walks on brings her
Where she's heading, what she was doing...
How long she has been on this pavement
To nowhere.

Clutched in her hand; a dream
One she has been fighting to keep
A fragment of a broken dream;
The key to a map.

To that very spot,
Right under the arc of a rainbow
Where angels dance and sing
Where love and hate collides
Where Courage can be found
Where the impossible becomes possible...

serenity courage wisdom

2008-03-08T01:31:00.002+08:00

Every night, as I lay in bed... I recount the things that happened in the day. Every day, is nothing out of the extraordinary, yet every day, I see a new light. Every day, I learn something new. Whether it is a realisation about a person's true character, or whether it is a newly acquired skill at work, or even progressive changes on myself through time...

Yesterday, Jonathan said:

"You're all grown up now... the girl I knew was this crazy, hyper, talks too much, laughs even more, mad girl"

Well, guess what... I DON'T wanna grow up (*I wanna be a Toys R'Us Kid, Oh Boy Oh BOYYyy!!!* As for those of you who have not heard/seen the Toys R'Us advert before, you're pathetic. Haha!) . Well anyway, as I said, everyday, I learn something new. Everyday, I grow up a little more. And may I say, the world turns a little less colourful everyday. Or, to put it on a more positive note, the world is not the way you thought it was before.

Whatever it is, after a while you realise... you just gotta stop being such a wuss, friggin' pull yourself together and stop whining about "Why is life so unfair". Mum always said, "If you're not gonna love yourself, if you're not gonna take care of yourself, Nobody else would. You are your own responsibility."

And so tonight...

*clasps hands together*

*shuts eyes tightttt*

...and in barely a whisper, I pray;

God grant me the Serenity
To accept things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference

Night peeps...

those lil' moments...

2008-02-03T21:08:00.000+08:00

You know what love is when...

He says: Reason why I was attracted to you and came up to talk to you at first... was because you were just simply "yourself" at the gym. No frills, no make-up, just you.

And at your shittiest moments... where you literally feel like shit, in a sleepy groggy face, frowning and concentrating hard on this one spot on the table to stabilise yourself from your GIGANTIC hangover (I still think the word "gigantic" is not enough to describe how I felt), still wearing last night's clothes, and your hair is just... well, direction-less...

And which you obviously looked in the mirror 2 mins ago and panicked at the monster looking back at you... hence the whole act of trying to sort your hair out from the friggin' bird-nest-condition it was in and soothing the wrinkles on your dress...

He says: You cannot possibly look any uglier than this already.... but I still think you look cute

All the while smiling while watching my whole act of trying to look... "better"(?). Because seriously, I don't think I could have looked any better than a homeless person who has not showered for a month.

The best part is... he doesn't even know how those words have kept me warm and fuzzy inside, smiling to myself just thinking about it... :)

i must have been a country girl...

2008-01-31T20:41:00.000+08:00

Past life. I really must have been.

I heard Taylor Swift... in the car on a lazy Sunday while waiting for MrBoyfriend to finish doing his hair and choosing his shoes (haha! you spend the LONGEST time choosing shoes ok). I only heard it from the middle, but I was like "HEY! This is a good song!" and I cranked up the volume. What I usually do, is that I take down a sentence of the lyrics, draft it into my phone and later on google it to find the song name and singer. Which is exactly what I did! (Ain't I brilliant... muahaha! Wipe that look off your face, I know the idea of it isn't totally original, but its a method which has NEVER failed)

*Taylor Swift - Teardrops on my Guitar*

Which I later on proceeded to rant on and on about to the little one over dinner at Pizza Uno's (which I proudly paid for and even gave her an allowance... aWww.. ain't I a sweet biggie? :)). But anyways, she downloaded the WHOLE album for me, haha! WHICH I have been replaying over and over again in the car on the way to work. In which I discovered "Cold as you" is quite good too, and "Tim McGraw". But they're all very country-ish :)

This part is where the title of this post comes in... they are very country-ish songs. And each time I listen to them, I SWEAR I can imagine myself... on a ranch, or sitting on a huge rock by a small stream with tall reeds, hot sun shining down, donning a straw hat and of course, a piece of straw in my mouth, dangling my feet into the water, playfully kicking at the water surface with my toes, sending ripples across... :) The occasional buzz of a bee, the steady sound of a stream... the cool cool breeze. AHHHhhhhhhh... HEAVEN! That is the exact picture in my head, while driving to work in the morning :) Definitely a good start to a day.

-let me get sidetracked for a bit

The "girl" part to my title (instead of a boy) is simply because I cannot imagine being a guy. Yeah girls have monthly Aunties visiting and being a pain in the ass, but other than that, I LOVE BEING A GIRL! I love wearing dresses, doing my hair, donning sexy lingerie, wearing super stilettos, and playing the damsel in distress, simply just coz' I'm lazy, wanna be pampered, need manja-ing, don't feel like driving... then the whole "Hunnnn... I hate looking for car parkkk... can you driveeee" or the whole "I don't know how to do thisss... can you pleaseeeee *flutter eyelashes*" BWAHAHAHAH! And speaking of this, MissNew just did the whole "I don't know how la to get a CD writerrr... I don't know where... I don't know how to burn laa..." to MrOng in which he replied "Okok, so WHAT you want me to do now..." HAHAHAH!!! She's gonna kill me when she reads this.

-ok back to la originale topic

Then I start daydreaming... of working for about... say 20 years of my life and later on retiring with my savings, to live by the country in say, Australia maybe? Far enough from home yet not too far? I could open a tavern, serve american breakfast all day and lavender scones for tea :) (I have this fascination for all things lavender... all thanks to this Lavender Inn I visited at Margaret River, Perth... the place is GORGEOUS! It has this HUGE meadow of lavender, stretches so far you can't see the end of it. Has a little cottage in the middle with a lake... the cottage is a cafe, which serves everything lavender :) So I had lavender scones, with lavender tea and lavender sorbet *YUMMY*! Anyway, back to my story...) Retire at night to my small little cottage, with a huge armchair, a tv and a rickety old swing on the porch where I can hang out at night with a good book and some good music.

Told this idea to MissNew and MrOng, in which they immediately "You won't survive la". Hahah! I LOVE the idea of it... but then again, I don't know how viable the whole "Project" is. I may enjoy for a few years (at most), but I don't know if its do-able for the REST of my LIFE! Obviously the better option is to own a cottage in the countryside AND a home in the city... but that's just silly. All the maintenance for when I'm not around plus all that shuffling to and fro probably won't make my "dream" so "dream-able" after all.

Still, no harm done dreaming aye? <--- cultivating my "country" accent already, bwahahah!

I have HEAPS of photos to post up actually... but my AdobePhotoshop has not been installed into my new comp yet, and the photos are too huge. Some needs editing, too dark, too bright, cropping etc. Hate using paint or any other editor, Photoshop is THE SHIT! *sigh* Anyhow, this is my Paint job. Which isn't really that good :(

My (sometimes) better half and I... muahaha!

Our annual family trip to HK (though this is really our first time to Disneyland, don't think I'd be going there again... not that its bad, but I'd probably enjoy it a lot better if I was 9)

The little sis... (although not so little anymore)

Mummy and I on HK streets...

a tuesday...

2008-01-29T19:56:00.000+08:00

Couldn't find my stockings, spent 10 mins switching on and off the lights in my room looking for them, each time stirring my sis from her sleep. Left the house at friggin 8.20am (supposedly official start time is 8.45am), all the way down to the heart of KL, at 9.10am. Not too bad. Considering I left my house at 8.00am yesterday (again, suppose to work over the weekend on a piece, and didn't... hence feeling guilty and wanted to get in a tad earlier to get something done)... BUT arrived at friggin' 9.30am. What has the world come to man...

MEGA falling sick, all thanks to the sis as well... who has nicely recovered and jumping around the house, while I am sniffing and blowing my nose till its all red and weird. REALLY wanted to just get my ass out of office at lunch, finished the whole box of tissues (I just bought them last week) blowing my nose the whole morning. Thank goodness my small mocha at O'Briens made it all better after lunch. Barely tasted my chicken mayo sandwich and chocolate crispies MissNew offered. Wasted. Didn't even taste my ferrero rocher either... Mega Wasted. Oh well... at least I saved my Patchi :) Hehehe!

OH and I blogged today at work too... about my new obsession :) and was suppose to send it to my gmail before I left work, BUT all thanks to the stupid storm, I chop chop left office after taking a peak downstairs and saw that traffic was still "alright". Flooded a little, but still good enough to go. By the time I got my stuff, went to toilet (seriously, the last time I got stuck in a jam and really needed to wee, I wanted to just get out of the car, put on my emergency lights and squat behind a bush... I was that desperate, which I didn't of course, but the face definitely turned from colourless to green to purple by the time I got back), got down to my car, took off my shoes and went off... TRAFFIC WAS INSANE!!! And my poor poor car was practically swimming (or rather, soaking) in the flood :(

All in all... because of the chop chopness, I left my post sitting on my desktop at work *sigh* Shall post it up tomorrow then. As for now, I desperately need a shower and more nose-blowing to do.

Oh btw, stupid AirAsia 300,000 free tickets promotion got me all excited today, thinking I could go anywhere for free... etc etc as long as I called fast... is apparently a scam. I didn't call in the end of course, didn't have the time to, and didn't wanna be caught redialling AirAsia number gazillion times at work... but found out that its all a scam. Wth. Not like I called la, but... STILL. Got me all excited all.......... :(

gibberish...

2008-01-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

2 days of sorethroat, half a day of MC, one day of nose-blowing, bloodshot watery eyes and friggin' headache later... I am now feeling SLIGHTLY more humane. Thank god, I need all the energy I can muster for Hong Kong on Thursday!! WHeeeeeeeee!!! Know what, I really need the break. I worked, Christmas eve, New Year's eve, every friggin' eve you can think of. Yeah, I literally missed all the Christmas shopping fun. And if on the 23rd of Jan, I'm gonna find out that my hard work has all gone down the drain, I shall just drown myself... that is a mega Double-eew Tee Efffff.

But anyways, my NY resolution this year... is to SAVE MONEY! I wanna go diving, hopefully sometime in August. I wanna go Bangkok shopping, hopefully year end. Oh and I wanna go Singapore zoo too (I have an obsession with zoos... God knows, whether tiger run out or puma or friggin' leopard attack... I still love zoos :)). Ok, don't have that much money to go all around actually. First priority is Bangkok shopping! Haha! Eh c'mon, I hear so much about it, how cheap la, how good la, how fun la... I cannot take it already! I WANNA GO!!!

Oh actually I've got some LONG time ago photos I was suppose to post up... but never found the time to la. Hopefully snap some good ones at HK and update my sad sad abandoned blog which has started cobwebbing at every corner. *Please excuse my England*

Actually I have some photos of around town... but damn shy la to go around here snapping photos. Like hellOoo... *snap snap fingers* I'm from here yO! No way am I gonna look like some lost tourist from Jinjangjo-yO~! Wakakaka!! I see I haven't lost my chigga touch at all :)

Catch ya lay-ta homieee....

xmas friggin' eve...

2007-12-24T19:47:00.000+08:00

9.45 friggin' a.m. in the friggin' morning

It's friggin' xmas eve for crying out loud... coming to work is just too depressing. Yeah yeah, no more leave for the year. To all those out there who keeps going "Eh, not on leave meh?", thank you very much for rubbing it in my face that I took 10 days off to put myself in prison. Michelle (yeah, MOPY) said, during one of our 6 hour phone chats before "Eh, you know how those fellas burn up that yellow paper thingy, mix with water, drink already become purified wan? Eh I think right, if we burn up our textbooks, mix with water and drink we will remember everything wan leh...". P.S. We were 12 going on 13 years old then. In desperate times, anything and everything sounds like an excellent plan.

Anyway, back to the traffic report, there were barely any cars on the streets, NO traffic in town, practically NOBODY in office, I feel like running off to Starbucks opposite for a drink with my book. Haha! Oh yeah I've been reading a book. Darryl says I'm "cultured" BWAHAHAHAH!!! *aheM* Well of course I am.

As for the disappearing act, practically abandoned my blog, all because of CFA *points finger*. Yeah yeah, ok plus my laptop died, plus work, plus really no time for anything else in the world. My apologies to the best friend who's back and bored to death, who is now probably high on pot and lying on Amsterdam streets. My even bigger apologies to the boyfriend whom I completely ignored for the 2 weeks prior to CFA, and all the frustrations and tantrums in between.

About CFA, it is seriously the most tortorous EVER. I think I'm flunking it. I took 2 weeks to study 5 textbooks. That's of course a lot of hard work till 5.30 in the morning everyday for 2 weeks and lotsa Starbucks mocha grande, plus boring my poor tawly to death watching me study every night (yeah, I fed him DVDs and a whole season of One Tree Hill). I'm not sure if he or I suffered more in the whole 2 weeks. Haha! Though... I did go Mambo on a Wednesday night, did make him bring me shopping, spent a whole day on Bintang Walk, having yummy affogato at Haagen Daz and shopping at Sg Wang and Pavillion. Not too bad after all :) I mean, plus minus all together, wasn't really that bad.

Oh and yeah by the way, I'm at work. Friggin' server won't let me onto the site, hence I'm typing the post in advance, shall post it up later when I leave work at 3 as a Christian. Okok, you can rub that weird look off your face now. Whaattttt.... *ish*

everything...

2007-11-04T03:39:00.000+08:00

I wanna be...

Your falling star, your get away car

The line in the sand, when you go too far

Your swimming pool, on an August day

Your perfect thing to say

And I play it coy, but you think it's kinda cute

And when I smile at you, I know exactly what I do

Baby don't pretend, I know its true

Cause I can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

Let it be me, to make you sing

Let me be... your every line, your every word, your everything

I wanna be...

Your carousel, your wishing well

The one to light you up, when I ring your bell

Your mystery, from outer space

Your every minute of your every day

And I can't believe, that you're my man

And we get to kiss, just because we can

Whatever comes our way, we'll see it through

And I know that's what our love can do

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
Let it be me, to make you sing
Let me be... your every line, your every word, your everything

Your every song that you sing along

Let me be... your everything

today is the friggin' day...

2007-10-01T22:30:00.001+08:00

There are just some days... like today. Friggin' typical Monday. Its no fun hearing your name called EARLY in the morning into the room :( Usually means hard hard work for the whole day. And to make things worse... work that you were NEVER aware of. Super unfair, dude. Don't like being caught off-guard, get what I mean? Especially when it comes to work... I like to be prepared. Or at least half-prepared. Off-guard is just bad news. *ARGH* Whatever la...

THEN friggin' policeman don't let me make the U-wee at Tun Perak. What the hell. I've been doing that every single day. Today he stood right in the middle of the road, so guess what, I took a turn around him. He friggin' stood in front of my car and asked me to reverse %!*@**#@!!! So I did not make my U-wee and ended up at Petaling Street. Have I ever mentioned, I've only been to Petaling Street ONCE in my whole entire life. And I didn't even drive there then. WTH!

Oh and did I mention, my dinner was scheduled at 6.30 Centrepoint? When I was attempting the goddamn U-wee it was 6.30? And I was still in KL? Positively annoyed at the whole entire friggin' world, arrived at the restaurant, out of 60 people who were suppose to turn up for dinner, guess what? Mum, dad and I were the friggin' only ones there. And it was 7.30!!! Don't people wear watches nowadays anymore? Or do they not think that anyone else in this world has anything better to do than to sit around on their butts? WTH! I've got a friggin' life to get on with man... PLUS I missed gym today. Great la...

TODAY is a FRIGGIN' DAY that calls for...

HEAPS LOADS OF PEANUT BUTTER & CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

or not...

2007-09-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

Having meaningful conversations in silence
Just feeling comfortable

Walking along the streets, the world passing by in a flurry
Hand in hand... the moment freezes in time

With just one look, he sees through it all
Stripping away all doubt and fear
Ambush of the fortress built

Feeling shy for no reason at all
Cracking jokes, looking away, so not to blush silly...

Just a smile... and suddenly it all means a whole lot more
Being adored by him beats standing on top of the world

Slowly but surely
Someday...

Or not

random

2007-09-22T02:48:00.000+08:00

Trust... is a funny thing.

I don't know if you can say that I trust easily or I don't. I guess I do... on the surface, but within that, I'm always on guard, always watching out. Its difficult for me to completely trust a person. I have before... and at the end of the day all I got was case after case of disillusionment. People whom I've kept close and honoured... proved to be unworthy of my respect eventually.

And when that keeps happening, I find that I'm going into a whole new level of withdrawal. I completely doubt everyone around me, even people whom have never wronged me. Maybe it is unfair, but I can't help it.

This is the funny part about it... I do, step out of my shell. Occasionally. But guess what, I step back into it the split second I "predict and assume" trouble coming. And I completely shut them out... I have the utmost respect for the ones who can actually put up with this whole split personality from me. The ones whom can find the infinite amount of patience for me :)

Everyone asks... "So since you're a Gemini, what's your split personality like? What's the other side of you like?". I guess the answer is... "I withdraw, completely". And the weird part about withdrawing is, it doesn't actually "happen". I'm still the same, I would still be myself. I just withdraw inside, and it can go on for days! So probably those who have been hanging around me long enough, or who understands me enough would see it. The feeling takes over me like a possession.

Took me a while to realise that I do have that weird habit... of withdrawing.

ANYWAY guess WHAT!!! Its the 22nd today~! Another 2 weeks... I can't wait I can't wait! Hahaha! I'm kinda intimidated by it, and kinda scared... but REALLY excited. This whole adrenaline pumping thrill is really perking my days up! Wahahaha! It is gonna come trueeeeeee... FINALLY!

*jumps up and down for joy*

...okay, its 3.25am, its way too late to be jumping up and down. And I think my grammar is going a little haywire too, don't hold it against me... I've been up for almost 24 hours now. Off to beddd!! Desperately need to go shopping tomorrow for Val's wedding~! (weddings are always the best excuse to go shopping for dresses :)) Been following Mr. TCY around too much for desserts. Everyday wei! One day Mocha Mud Pie, next day Baked Chocolate Pudding, then Rocky Road, then Ipanema, then Chocolate Mud Cake, then dunno what Chocolate Banana thingy... and the list goes on. Seriously... TCY, you're fattening for me. Not to mention, you talk about lunch every night before you go to bed. Wth... omg. PLUS Jogoya today some more! Now I'm paranoid about going to the gym asap. *ish...*

Okok... better be going to bed first. Shall consider my diet plan tomorrow... oh and since there's this SOMEONE who keeps saying I should watch some "abs diet" video too.

Goodnighttttttt~!

*grumblez...*

Am I really that fat? :(

Gawd, now its bothering me...

Thanks a lot...

...maybe

2007-09-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah I tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand

Oh please say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now, let me hold your hand
I want to hold your hand

And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah, you got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand

Cute song huh? :)

Night night... its pre-monday night tonighttttt (again)~!

tomorrow...

2007-08-22T23:16:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow

What if I walked

What if I never turned back

What if you've pushed me too far

What if I stopped answering your calls

What if I don't wanna see you anymore

Tomorrow

What if I pack up our broken dreams

What if I decide to leave this all behind

What if I'm stronger than I am today

What if I let you go

What if I give up

Tomorrow

If I left

It would be because

You've never asked me to stay...

today...

2007-08-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

Some days I'm reminiscent... some days I stand taller than you could ever imagine I could.

Some days I'm weak... some days I'm capable of the impossible.

Some days I'm uninspired... some days my determination is an inspiration to myself.

Some days I'm fine... some days I'm just not.

Now tell me a story, sunshine... make me smile.

Coz' today, well... today

I'm reminiscent

I'm weak

Uninspired

And just not fine at all...

Bob Bob Bob...

2007-08-05T02:14:00.000+08:00

BOB is here!!! Hahahahha! Bob is my new babyyyy... I've yet to take a photo though. Damn. Should work on that tomorrow, getting the best angle. Hahaha! But I'm so exciteddd!!! I still am... although I've been driving around the whole of yesterday and today, I'm still really happy fiddling around with the knobs, and opening my door each time for touch-n-go (coz of the retarded 48 hours v-kool thingy). WheeEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Oh and the smell of a new car... *mMmMmmmmm* Yummy! Yeah, I'm obsessed. So what :p La la la...

My next obsession: Diving. When I was 12... my English teacher asked for my oral exam: "What would you like to be when you grow up?". At 12 years old, I replied "I want to be a marine biologist". Hahaha! I'M SERIOUS! At 18, I still wanted to be a marine biologist. To go learn more about the underwater world, to travel, to dive all around the world. Until... I realised that I won't even be able to put 1 meal on the table if I were to do that in Malaysia. The demand just isn't here at all. So oh well... that explains how the whole banking career started. But really. That was my FIRST ever ambition. HOWEVER... I still want my diving license. It shall be my hobby :) Something I can indulge in all by myself. Something I can love on my own. I LOVE the sea... I LOVE snorkelling. The feeling when I'm snorkelling... is like a detachment from all else above the sea. Its like a whole different world down there, which it really is! My first time snorkelling was when I was... 9 or 10? And I've been snorkelling everywhere in Malaysia ever since, and even been snorkelling in northern Western Australia. Its beautiful. Really, it is. As soon as I get my license, I'm zooming off to Sipadan! Wahahah! You can bet on that...

Oh and guess what... I cannot believe I agreed to join the DCM paintball team. We're the "Cannon Fodders". The name is compliments to Darryl and Ariff. But really. Omg, we're SO gonna get whooped man. Dudes... there are like 96 other teams. I don't think we're even gonna make it past lunch we'll be on our way home already. Probably not even sweating yet. Hahaha! I'm nervous, not because of the potential bruises I'll be getting... but because of the potential SUPER-MEGA embarassment we might be suffering as we barely make it past 2 minutes in the game and then we're called out as "losers" and asked to go home. Hahahah! Seriously. Where are we gonna hide our faces then man... *argHhhhh* I hope there's another team out there (somewhere) hopefully, feeling like how we are too. Haha!

HmMmm... and I learnt some things over the past week. Someone pointed out a few things to me... and I woke up, I realised a few things I never did before. I'm not the kind who usually listens to what people say, especially not criticism, coz I don't usually friggin' care what people think or say. But hey... I'm listening, but only because I think there's some truth to it. I actually thought about it, you know. And I think you're right. Sad to say, it is sometimes a little dysfunctional. Haha! Well... I'm working on it! :) Kob-kun-kahhhhh...

Okay, the coffee from Chinoz is starting to wear out on me already... I'm starting to lose my hyperness and feeling sleepy already. Another chapter of Harry Potter for the day then I'm off to dreamland. Yeah, I MUST read before I sleep... else I'd be tossing and turning for hours before I can fall asleep.

(YAY!!! Its SUNDAY tomorrow! Another sleeping in dayyyyyyyyyyyyy.........)

Night night people :)

taking chances...

2007-07-29T14:10:00.000+08:00

You see, I'm not the kind of person who takes chances. I preach about it all the time to my friends, on how we only get one chance to live, and one moment in time for everything. That the "right moments" do not come along all the time, that the moment you miss it, its gone. That kinda crap. Maybe its pride that I never let my guard down. Maybe it has everything to do with dignity and my over-blown ego. But as of lately... I think I've been trying to change that. I conclude its alright to sometimes take your chances, the whole "you might never know" thing. Coz' well... you really might never know whats gonna happen, right? *sigh* I don't know. But I'm afraid of taking chances to the point of paranoia because I'm afraid of falling. The bigger the chance I take, the higher the fall, the more the pain, ain't it?

There are so many ways where I wish my life was different. But then again, maybe it is this way because it is preparing me for something bigger, something better. "You never know what happy times are, until you know what sad times are like" right? :)

For all those who have misjudged me, misunderstood me... I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not what you think I am after all. Maybe if you took a little more time, maybe if you paid more attention to all the lines in between, you wouldn't think that way. Maybe what you see is just not whats within. I've always had too much pride to say the line... "I'm sorry, I hope there's another chance to start all over again". I still have too much pride to say it... and I guess the moments where I do say it, they are lottery-winning moments. Hahaha! My best friends will know what I'm saying. But whatever it is... back to the main point... I'm taking chances.

whatever...

2007-07-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

Know what I really need tonight? A hill overlooking the ocean... a beer in hand, absolute silence and a blanket of stars above me :) I can picture it in my head so clearly. Ain't it beautiful?

paradise...

2007-07-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

Isn't it beautiful :) I could lie here all day... reading my book, listening to the waves, enjoying the smell of the sea in the air... its a paradise~!

Shot with DSC-T10 at 2007-07-17

The beach... I wish I could stay here forever :)

Shot with DSC-T10 at 2007-07-17

Clear blue waters... I love this shot. Something about the rocks and the water framing a window to the horizon. You know... the world seems entirely different behind a camera. Its like, you cut out all the pieces you don't wanna see, and only take what you wanna see. You only take what you think is beautiful. If only everything in life works that way huh...

Shot with DSC-T10 at 2007-07-17

A family shot... the one and only shot. Being the camera man, this is the only picture which kinda includes me in with them. The rest are just well... the 3 of them. Haha! Being camera man comes with the whole hoo-la-ba-loo responsibility of being the eldest (always!).

Shot with DSC-T10 at 2007-07-17

The one and only PRIVILEGED one who shared 50% of all the nagging at home with me... Wahahah!!!

Shot with DSC-T10 at 2007-07-17

I had to put up this shot... have you EVER seen a toilet sign with a female sign fatter than that? No, seriously. THE FELLA IS FAT!!! And her skirt is SO LONGGGggggg... Its like "fatties only" toilet. Hahahah!

Shot with DSC-T10 at 2007-07-17

HmMm... you know, they say... everything in life happens for a reason. Everything that has happened before/currently happening/going to happen... has a meaning behind it. For everything that has failed for me, Kai says "Maybe God has bigger and better things in store for you". For everything that is happening, I tell him in return "If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger". For everything that's going to happen... is a story saved for the days of tomorrow. Maybe its just a consolation to get through the every days of life... but its good enough!

Okay, know what... at this point, I'm frowning at the computer screen already. My eyes can barely open, I'm so so so tired :( Need the energy to pull through another day at work tomorrow.

Night night people of the world...

my best friend...

2007-07-09T21:32:00.000+08:00

The best friend who sees my tears
The one who holds the box of tissues
The one who hears my pain through a "hello" on the phone
And goes out for an ice cream with me although he knows...
Its not the ice cream I'm wanting, its the company of a friend

The best friend who backs me up
The one who tells me I deserve more than heartaches
The one who holds me up when he knows I can no longer stand
The only one who does not misjudge me like how all of them out there do

The best friend who has never failed me
The one who knows everything to say at the right time
The one with patience to bear with me through all my unhappy silences

The best friend who has never asked "What's wrong" more than once
Because he already knows what's wrong the first time I say "Nothing"

The best friend... always

sunday blues...

2007-07-08T18:15:00.000+08:00

I believe...

In life, there are many opportunities thrown at you... its up to you to hop on. Though when you miss the wagon, its gone... and thats forever.

For that reason, I tell myself... to put my pride aside and do what I want to do, and need to do... just in case, I miss the opportunity forever. That applies to everything I do. I take risks bigger than I can handle, knowing there's a chance I will fail (and most likely to fail), just in case its the last chance I will ever get. Don't you?

I live everyday like its the last day... John-Ian once said before, 5-6 years ago "I want to live, and be remembered... at my funeral, I want to be remembered as the good son, the best friend, a great person... and for all you know, I might not even be here tomorrow!". Yeap yeap, for once, he says something that makes sense. Hahaha! Sorry dee, you really do talk crap most of the time. But I agree with that. And have since then... lived like every day its the last day.

I'm not saying that everyone should think like me and live like me... everyone has their own ways of life. But I guess I tend to be the kind who stresses too much over "tomorrow". I tend to think too much over tomorrow, over the future, over every little thing thats not going right at the moment. Hence its a good thing that I live one day at a time... I won't be able to handle more than that. Hahah!

Oh and my new reason holding me back from shopping... and my collection of bags... is "I need to put my kids through Uni". Hahaha! No, no... really. Though I'm not even anywhere near that, nor even near to knowing who my future other half is, its a scary thought to think that one day when I have kids in future, I won't be able to put them through school. Hahah! How sad... it would be like "My darling... I'm sorry, but mummy cannot afford to send you to school... but mummy has a truckload of bags!!!". Hahaha!!! *faint*

Okay... its Sunday@Pre-Monday. WOO-HOO!!! WORK IS FUN!!!

............................... *signing off*

work + play

2007-07-07T18:40:00.001+08:00

Someone once told me... "There are a lot of things in life, where you have to work for it". I more than agree with that. For money, for love, for a career, for a family.

Through my whole life... I've learnt one most important thing; you've gotta play harder than you work. Its true. The minute you work harder than you play and than you love and than you have time for anything else in life... you forget to live. And by the time you realise what you're missing out on, its too late.

I definitely played more than I studied at Uni. But I've not for a moment regretted it. I've been a rebel and done everything a 14 year old shouldn't have done at school... but I'm happy I did. For all that I've played, I am still where I am today. I may not be tops, I may not be at Goldman Sachs. But I'm happy settling for what I have, because I know I enjoyed every moment of it.

My dad tells me all the time "If only you played less at Uni", my reply has always been "I have a fantastic job now, I also had the most wonderful Uni life... I don't regret a moment of it, and I'm proud".

Life is too short.

I might as well laugh all I can laugh today, play all I can play today, have as much fun as I can possibly have today... for all I know I may not even be here tomorrow. And I'm in no way going to heaven (or hell) thinking regretfully "Damn... I should have played more, loved more, laughed more, spared more time for myself".

*Big Smilezzzzz* :)

The post is dedicated to all my workaholic friends... and you know who you are.

i wait...

2007-07-07T03:31:00.000+08:00

I hear the phone ring
And I jump
My heart races
A million thoughts run through my head
I'm thinking if I should peek...

I'm an optimist-pessimist
I hope for the best
But expect the least
I'm scared...
Oh yes I am

You will never understand how I feel

And I'm still thinking to myself...
What if it wasn't you?
Coz' I definitely do not expect it to be
Or what if it was?
And I miss the call

And then I finally do...
To find it wasn't you

I wait all day again...

a gemini after all...

2007-06-24T16:28:00.000+08:00

They say... a blog speaks volumes about a person. I'm not too sure about that... there are still pieces of my life which I hide. Close friends would know and understand all that I'm speaking... plus all that I'm not.

Would a blog really be that necessary to voice my feelings? Well, it is an online diary after all... though not that way to me. It is more of an outlet of reaching out to people I want to reach to... hoping that they would read it and understand what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm not a person so good with expressing my feelings and showing them... I'm too egoistic and care too much about my pride. I really am.

Plus, there are two sides to me. One is the happy one, whom everyone loves me for. The other is a more broody one... which only happens behind closed doors. Maybe 1 or 2 people in this world has seen it, but not really. My motto is "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone". Really. It is true. And besides, happiness is contagious, ain't it? Therefore, that's probably why I always try to look on the bright side of everything. Overly optimistic... just so to overshadow the darker side. Hahaha!! Colleagues think I'm too happy at 9am in the morning, friends think I'm crazy, laugh too much, too loud and talk wayYyYyyy too much. But I love that side of me :) The broodier one brings me too much stress... tend to think too much. *GAHHHhhhh* I'm a gemini after all.

*WhooPpEeee*

I need an ice cream... my throat isn't feeling that good. Must be all that smokiness last night. Anyways... *cheers* to life, work and stupid Frank!!! Hahahah!!! ("Frank" has been defined in my previous post...)

*...off to get my Haagen Daz coffee ice cream*

*oh and affogato too :) right mel?*

saturday morning...

2007-06-23T12:36:00.001+08:00

*Mmmmm...* Oh yeaHhhHhhhhh...

Waking up on a Saturday morning at 11.30 and having chocolate cake to greet me for breakfast... while lazing here. MmMmm.... Life should be this way!!!

Oh and by the way, to those I haven't complained about selling my soul yet... the latest update is that I'm selling my soul to CFA. Okok, I know I said I hated finance in uni (and in fact still do), its really different while you're out working. Finance while you're working is just not he finance at uni. So THERE! Until the 2nd of December, CFA is my baby.

Actually there's so much I want to bitch about, but its all office politics... but I'm sure those who knows me well will know that there's a certain someone I really cannot stand at work. Lets call this person Frank (I hate the name Frank). And so, I got really annoyed at Frank again on Friday (and just about every other day). One day we're just gonna have a really big fight, I'm gonna tell Frank off... and then proceed to lose my job. Hahahaha!!!

Wasn't uni life so much simpler? I really really really miss Sydney, I miss DLC... I miss my room, I miss Sylvia and Jonathan, I miss all our coffee and cake times, I miss our karaoke sessions (inclusive of those where I went 1-on-1 with Sylvia, hahaha!), I miss our ski trip, I miss the whole simplicity of it back then! If I could have just ONE DAY to go back in time, I would go back to the day of our ski trip :) WowEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... I've never laughed more than I did on that day. All in all... I miss my life back in Sydney. If I were still in Sydney today, I don't think I would be stuck in the stupidly ridiculous rut I am in today... there's probably only one person who would understand this statement though. Its ridiculous to the point where sometimes I wonder if I was dreaming about it. Coz' it definitely wasn't this way in Sydney. In fact... it was the happiest part of my life in Sydney... really.

Know what I need? I need a beach... a hammock... a sunset... and a strawberry long island tea. Mmmmmmm... that's heaven. I can so picture it in my head, am about to start hearing the waves too. I've always thought... how would my life be, say if I grew up in a farm, or a fishing village... and all I cared about was whether my cows and pigs were well, or if the catch of the day was enough to feed my family. No CFA, no corporate ladder, no Frank, whatsoever. I guess I would still stress, just a different kinda stress... but c'mon, wouldn't life be so simple?

Okok, I'm on the verge of going into "thinking" mode already. Suppose to go for breakfast with Kai!!! But at the rate he's going, I'm starving to death already *grumble-grumble*. Ok, I shall resume with my chocolate cake and coffee for breakfast + a "kaypoh" magazine :)

Life should be this way... everyday.

round and round...

2007-06-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

I can't say I don't care, I do.
I can't say it doesn't matter, it does.
I can't say I'm fine...
I'm not too sure about that.

I'm a bit too realistic,
I can't help it.

Well whatever it is...
Its one big merry-go-round
Back to square one

Oh pick up the broken pieces
Mend me, fix me,
Heal me, nurture me

Hold my hand
And don't ask why...

everything...

2007-06-04T22:23:00.001+08:00

My new found obsession :) Though it is a guy-to-girl song, but I there's nothing wrong dreaming about it right. I had it playing for like... a million times at work!

Compared to Jerry Macguire's Secret Garden song... well, thats the CLASSIC version, and this is the MODERN version in my life list of heartmelting love songs :) And of course, the number one song of ALL times is still my favouriteeee Elvis Costello's :p

My colleagues think I'm a sucker for love in fairy tales... and think its silly for me to dream of the whole "someone someday" dedicating it to me thing, but its still nice to listen to it and just pretend for a while that you're that girl, right? :) Haven't we all?

You're a falling star, you're the get away car

You're the line in the sand when I go too far
You're the swimming pool, on an August day
And you're the perfect thing to say

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true
Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell
You're a mystery, you're from outer space
You're every minute of my everyday

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through
And you know that's what our love can do

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything

You're every song I sing, and I sing along
Cause you're my everything

~"Everything" by Michael Buble

the proudest moment of my life...

2007-04-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

I really don't know whats up with imageshack... I've been trying to upload my graduation photos since last night, it just keeps saying "document contains no data". What the heck does that mean man... well whatever la! I'll just upload whatever that works... screw the other photos! How frustrating man... ISH!

Well well well... and after 3 years of hard work...

On April the 13th 2007...... GRADUATION!!! (Yeah it was Friday the 13th, but it was SPLENDID anywayz :))
After 3 years of midnight oil burning, frustrations, umpteens of madness brinks... FINALLY!!! I'll always remember the feeling... of standing on stage, shaking hands with the vice chancellor, of the orchestra playing while we walked in a line of procession through the hall, the look on my parents' face when they see me walk out of the hall with my cert in my graduation gown... a priceless moment :)

Its a wonderful WONDERFUL wonderfulllllllll feeling wearing the graduation gown... and hat... and feeling at the top of the world. No, seriously, I really felt like the world was at my feet. Like I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING was possible :)

The proudest moment of my life... achieving something all by myself, knowing I'm there on that day because I worked my way there. Its DELIRIOUSLY intoxicating :)

Thank you for all the love and support... for flying the 8 hours just for today! *MUAKZ*

Jonathan and I... the bestest girl-guy friend EVER!!! Thank you so much for all the help, the tuition, the coaching, the cover-ups with Homer, the shoulder to cry on, the one to make us all laugh... *hugs* We'll definitely DEFINITELY meet each other again~!

Me and JX the representative... who forgot my flowers but brought me a dog and a bear. Hahaha! So sweet of you and Foong anyway :)

To all the DLC people who came... thank you :) I'm gonna miss DLC and you guys so so much!

Daddy and Mummy who flew a long way for me :)

My very drunk sister and I... at the dance party on Easter Sunday (yeap, within the 24 hours landing in Sydney, I was out partying already :))

With the babes... at GreenBox celebrating our graduation~!

And the 3 of us... for just one night at Pancakes (precisely the night I landed in Sydney) before the silly gal flew off the following day :(

And lastly... My new haircut!!! Made me look 10 years younger. Really. The last time I had my hair this short was probably when I was 14. When Simon was still cutting it, I was like "Hey, I think you can go a bit shorter..." Then VOILA! *OMG* faint... too short. But well... I'm still trying to convince myself till this day that its "chic". Hahahahah! Whatever la!!! Cut already la!

Okay... now time for some news update...

I'm starting work on the 3rd of May! (thats next week...) And my manager called me this morning with a "Hi Sue May!!! So how are you... how was your trip to Sydney" followed with an sms later of "I sent you some files to have a look at... please browse through when you have some time". Okay... so off I went to print. OMG!!! 100 over pages!!! Plus a BOOK to read!!! *BIANG!!!* faint... and so I guess my study life will never end. Not that I'm complaining yet... the novelty of the start to my career and a brand new job has not wore out on me yet. So I'm still excited! And surprisingly... quite nerdily ready to read what he gave me too. Haha! Don't laugh! Wait till its your turn...

~TOoDleSss... *goes off to study... again*

shoe issue shoe issue shoe...

2007-04-06T01:18:00.000+08:00

I went today... looking for a pair of shoes for work. I walked, in total 3 hours and DID NOT FIND A PAIR OF DECENT BLACK SHOES. What the heck is the world coming to... *ARGH* Yes I'm pissed off. The decent ones costs almost 400 bucks! When I say "decent", it doesnt mean the brand. Its just PLAIN black close-toed shoes. Seriously. The shoe designers here are such losers. Doesn't anyone wear black shoes to work anymore? Or are those shoes with ribbons bigger than the width of your knees in fashion now. Or what about those with practically a hibiscus on the shoe. Jeez. Pissing me off.

And Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is... lame. Well maybe I expected too much out of it, but really, it was a kid's show. The fighting scenes were lame, the story line was "alright" but the effects could have been MUCH better. I forgot where I read this review but some dude said that the turtles looked like they were wearing tube tops... and I TOTALLY AGREE. Hahahahaha!!! Somehow looked like they were covering up their boobs or what not. Lame. And this dude next to me started eating something that smelled like Maccas Nuggets or Fries or what not. OMG, I was STARVING throughout the whole show. What a moron...

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONATHAN!!! :) Hope you're having fun celebrating it! Coz' I'm definitely not having any fun here shoe shopping *sigh*. Screw it la. I'm gonna be sitting down 99% of the time at work anyway. Screw whatever stupid shoes. I probably could wear havanas to work and no one would even notice it. ISH! Whatever... I'm still pissed.

And apparently at this stage, even after the whole hoolabaloo trying to get into uni, study my ass off and graduate, I still have to STUDY NOW! I have to read up on Malaysian Taxation Law for my new job... GOODNESS! For a person who has NEVER touched law, it sounds greek to me. So off I went to MPH and bought this book for 39 bucks on "Malaysian Tax Law made Simple" HAHAHAHAH!!! Which explains everything word for word (mind you, I was initially browsing through the "Tax Law" for Dummies section... but apparently no one's a dummy at Tax Law coz' there wasn't such a book, sigh... how pathetic).

ANYWAY I'm off to start packing now... gotta get up tomorrow and do some shopping before I leave on Saturday. Still thinking if I should get my nails done for my convo... but then figured I would probably break them all while packing up my stuff in Sydney. Great. Ish... whatever la, I shall take all my photos with my hands hidden. (EH, its an IMPORTANT moment OK! Wahahaha! I'm just looking for an excuse to go for a manicure...)

Lalala... Here I come Sydney!!! SOON!!! (Well not really THAT soon... but in 24 hours time!!!)

Oh Crap and did I mention... I ACCEPTED THE JOB!!! And starting work in 2 weeks time! I know that should have been the highlight of my post but I'm really irritated that I walked 3 hours and found NO SHOES. *RAWR* But yeah :) So I am EMPLOYED!!! :) :) :)

*whOopEEEeeeeeeeeee!!! jumps for joy*

*suddenly remembers about the shoes*

*slumps away again...............*

i'm truly a survivor

2007-04-04T01:10:00.000+08:00

Wahahahaha!!! I GOT IT!!! Lalalala~! I not only got IT, I got BOTH!!! Part of me is jumping for joy, the other part of me is bracing for the reality of actually taking the first step into my career. I'm so excited, yet so... nervous. Don't you think its scary? Coz I do... kinda intimidating. There's so much to learn. All over again!

AND the new dilemma part here is... the whole choosing part. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Which department should I join? Which holds better career prospects? Which is better suited to my personality? GAH!!! I hate making decisions... I'm a Gemini for crying out loud!!! I'm not suppose to be bombarded with decisions all the time, coz I can't friggin' make up my mind! :( When I had none, I complained I had none. Now that I've not only got ONE, but TWO, I'm complaining again. Maybe I should learn to be more contented with life. Hahaha!!! Well, whatever it is, I've got another interview scheduled for the week! Lets see how that goes before I decide which cliff to jump off. Hahahah!

I think I sounded a ton more confident in my interview than I do now (and I pray they will never stumble upon this site) but I was really scared shitz. This time, I wasn't only sweating INSIDE my suit, but the sweat was glistening on my forehead as well. I had to reach up a few times to wipe it off. Hahahah! Imagine that... BUT I must say, I have the utmost respect and admiration for the Head of Department. A very intelligent and dynamic man. I would love to be learning the ropes from him.

ANYWAY its 3 more days till I see you guysssss(Sylvia and Jon)!!! The first people I'm gonna meet up with as I get off the plane! REALLY! I'm gonna run back to the hotel, check-in, and WE SHALL GO PARTY!!! Wahahahahhaha!!! I can't waitttt... I really cannot wait to be back.

WHEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... finally things are looking a WEE betterrr :) *BIG grinz*

i'm a survivor

2007-04-02T01:33:00.000+08:00

The room was stifling. My palms were sweaty. My jacket felt too tight. And my elbows became an issue. I didn't know where to put them! That was how it went... for 3 times, 3 consecutive days. Wobbling up and down the building in my close-toed pointed heels, in a SKIRT SUIT!!! Oh god... hahahahahah!!! Immediately turned 50 years older. Seriously. Cannot imagine how many centuries older I'd look when I'm 50 and in a skirt suit. Chances are I'd probably too obese to fit in one by then... lalala~! (mind you, I plan to be a hot mum ok :))

ANYWAY

I'm going to Sydney on Saturday for my convocation next weekkkkkk!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! I can't wait!!! I can't believe it, but I look forward MORE to being back in Sydney than my once-in-a-lifetime-convocation. I miss Sydney so so so much. I don't know if its the life that I miss there, or the place, but whatever it is, I MISS SYDNEY!!! Really. I don't look at Sydney photos anymore, coz I get too upset. I start wondering how my life would be there. Then I start regretting not taking Masters. *sigh* I hate regrets. It eats me up... slowly. On some inspirational mornings, I'd be like "GREAT!!! I'm back home, my family's here, my friends are here... I grew up here. This is where I should be" (it could all be some subconcious self-consolation talk). And on some days, I dream about walking on George St all day.

Whatever it is, I'm determined to breathe in as much Sydney air as possible for the whole 9 days I'm there. WhoOoPEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! *dances around*

Oh and I'm GRADUATING!!! (well, officially la that is...) *MORE dancing around!!!*

its like a disease...

2007-03-26T23:20:00.000+08:00

I worked for mum... 2 days, and I'm down with fever, running nose and a coughing spell for 6 days. Maybe working life is just not for me. I'm officially allergic to mornings and early nights. I just can't function~! I should probably start brainstorming and consider other possibilities in life... just realized that a career in finance needs early mornings.

Anywayyyyyyyy... *drumroll* my big day's COMING!!! AHHHHhhhhhhhhh!!!! I'm so looking forward to it, yet I'm dreading it. What if I make a complete fool of myself? What if I get lost taking an LRT there? What if I miss my stop and can't get a cab? Which shirt should I wear? The pink stripes or green stripes? Should I wear a skirt or pants? Which bag should I carry? GaHhh!!! I know this sounds stupid but these questions keep me up night after night. I need more practise at this! Nobody told me it was this tough... :( and this is only the first one. OMGGGGggggggg... its getting to me like a disease. I can't think about anything else but it.

*wooOoo-saHHHhhhhhhhhh*

At the rate I'm going, I'd probably faint at the front doorsteps and never make it for my appointment. Hahah!!!

WISH ME LUCK!!!! *praying really really hard*

Tioman~ 1st-3rd Feb 2007

2007-03-07T01:27:00.000+08:00

Righto... really haven't been blogging for a LONG LONG time. Coz' I've been too stressed over my job hunting, procrastinating, partying, late nights, etc. etc. a million and one reasons. But really, I REALLY seriously don't feel like sharing my stress on job hunting. Its tough having a job but even tougher not having one. I feel like an ultimate LOSER. *ARGH* Okay... knew it was a bad idea to get started on that topic.

But ANYWAY... here are the Tioman photos which should have been up more than a MONTH ago. *sigh* Oh happy times...

Those days where we fed fishes... (right, I'm speaking as though we were there for 5 years, but we were really only there for 3 days, haha!)

And taking the boat ride out to snorkel around the area...

Lunch... at some random restaurant where we had to wait 10000000000000 years while they woke the cook up from his/her sleep (no, seriously). Hence the fooling around.

Kai, me and Shirls

Kai, me and KD... (kai ur such a camwhore *tsk-tsk* :))

A parrot fish hat... as in a real DRIED parrot fish skin. Complete with fins, and the beak-looking mouth... *gulp* Well, whatever it is, he was the one having it on the head. Hahahahah~!

By the beach... not too bad la huh :)

The Boyz doing their best to look cute...

A 50% Candid shot + 50% posing shot of Me doing my best to look "natural" :) Hahahaha! There's a reason to why I'm not a model ok... *gRrr*

happy birthday!!!

2007-01-17T15:59:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Kai and Regine!!! :)

Thats me and the slightly drunk birthday boy at Laundry

No, no... I was perfectly sober. It was him. Haha~!

Me, Lynn and Regine

Lynn, Kai, Me, KD@Daniel nowadays and Candice

Have to go~! Its gonna rain soon and I need to start cooking for the pot luck at Lynn's place :) Okok, not exactly cooking... I can't cook to save my life. But making Chocolate Fondue STILL requires the stove!!! So... yeah, still cooking :) :) :) Hehehe~! Oh and I've become a PRO at baking for the past few days! Let's see... I made chocolate brownies for the xmas dinner, then blueberry chocolate muffins on monday, then chocolate chip cookies yesterday... and chocolate fondue today!!! (yeah, I'm a die-hard chocolate fan) Lalala... tata~!

it ain't enough...

2007-01-15T02:26:00.000+08:00

I'm vulnerable.
Don't push me any closer to the edge.

Don't test me.
I won't make it.

Don't do this to me.
Please be fair.

I'm weak.
Please help me stand up again.

Don't leave.
I need you... more than you know.

Please don't do this.
It will be the beginning to my downfall.

Don't be ignorant.
You have to understand.

I'm a mess.
Please don't not care about me.

Don't misunderstand.
Coz' I'm indifferent.

Please... don't leave me alone.

the art of forgiveness...

2007-01-12T01:38:00.000+08:00

Forgiveness is an art not easy to master. It is defined not only by love alone. It takes courage to gamble, especially when the object at stake is your heart. By forgiving, you simply have to trust. You have to trust and believe in him/her and yourself again. And that's not easy. Especially not after you've been hurt. I'm probably not the most experienced person to be speaking about forgiveness... but one thing I know for sure, I've been hurt before and have forgiven time and time again. I may not know a lot but it definitely took a lot of courage to forgive and accept. I do not say forgive and forget... because truth is, no one forgets. You only accept.

My dearest friend...

I totally understand how it feels to be in your shoes. I've seen it, I've felt it, I've even cried the same tears. I know you feel you can't be any lonelier than you already are... and that nobody can ever understand you without first judging you. Therefore you keep it in, and its slowly killing you inside out. I know.

I also know that you're thinking...

...after all that happened, no man will send you flowers across oceans with the message "I'll love you no matter what". No man will continue calling you everyday telling you how much he loves you and misses you. No man will bring porridge to your front door, forgiving you for everything overnight... and willing to start all over again.

Then again, you're also thinking...

...no man will put your wellbeing ahead of his. No man will wait patiently while you make up your mind. No man will keep catching you when you fall. Helping you to stand up time and time again. Making that his most important priority, regardless. No man will generously put your needs above his own.

Girl, you have to stop thinking! Be strong, both heart and mind. What you did is right. Give it some time... the choice could have been right in front of you all this while. Have some patience. You will be able to see better, the one who truly loves you.

*hugs*

From,
The one and only in this world who understands

i must and i will...

2007-01-10T01:17:00.000+08:00

Don't pretend to know me, you don't. You're not even close. In terms of expression, I'm the most conservative person you can find :) I find that... as we grow older, we tend not to display what we truly feel. Don't you think so? More and more so... well, its definitely that way in my case. Few years back, I definitely expressed my anger/unhappiness/dissatisfaction in the most unpolitical way. Nowadays, there's something called politics. Some people call it being 2 faced, but really, its all part of life. You don't love everybody and not everybody loves you either. Too bad. Can't please everyone, can you? You do your best and that's it. I've learnt to accept that. Kai says I try too hard to please everyone. Maybe. But I'm learning.

Mum said I'm not strong-willed enough. That I'm not tough enough. Well, I'm confident in every aspect of my life, except for one. And there are people who knows of my weakness and have taken their utmost advantage of it. I'm trying my best to counter it though! Still in the process... :) I must... and I WILL!!! *gRrr* (now thats all part of acting tough again... hahahah but really, I wanna be tougher than that~!)

I gotta be strong... even if I'm not, I have to at least pretend for now.

the problem with me

2007-01-09T02:12:00.000+08:00

I'm unhappy.

I'm not sure where to start... nor where/whom/what to confide in. I sat down and really thought about it... and I realise that I don't even know where to begin or how to explain to myself. If I can't explain to myself, I have no idea how its gonna be possible to tell someone else about it.

I have too much pride to admit to people around me that I'm unhappy. So what. Sue me.

When you're happy, everyone's there to celebrate and laugh with you. Somehow when you're unhappy, you're all alone on that. They say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. But somehow I'm still alive and yet not any stronger... in fact maybe even weaker with every passing day. *argHhhhh*

Life's like that, ain't it? Always a big joke... always ironic, always irritating in that way.

Ju|cE aka. John, Kai, Regine, Lynn... thinks I should change my dressing style. In the sense that I should wear more dresses and skirts... and stop all the jeans and denim skirts thingy. In other words, be a GIRL. Its not that I don't want to... I have dresses and skirts sitting in my cupboard (bought on those days where I felt like a girl) untouched! I don't know... I think I settle too much into the comfort zone and now just refuse to budge, just in case I go wrong and it turns into a disaster. I'm not only referring to clothings styles, but in GENERAL. I'm conservative in that sense. Totally not adventurous when it comes to certain things. Well, people whom have known me a little longer will agree with me on this. I need a change of attitude~! :( Actually need a change of many many many other things... *sigh*

This post will never end... I better be scooting off to bed. Having a sorethroat and it definitely does not feel better today as compared to yesterday :( Nitey nites...

the unrealistic: he whom i've yet to meet...

2007-01-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

He who picks the pieces of me when I fall apart

He who tenderly wipes away my tears with kisses

He who will never give me up for anything

He whose heart enfolds only my name

He who sits me down, holds my hand and asks whats wrong

He who holds my hand to cross the road

He who hugs me when we argue or fight

He who sits beside me listening to the silence of night

He whose arms protect me from the cold

He who whispers "i love you" without parting his lips

He who cherish and protects me

He who knows with a glance when I'm unhappy

He who will never brush me off

He whose heart breaks with every tear I shed

He who holds me tight to sleep

He who sits me on his lap and listens when I'm unhappy

He whose fingers leave traces on my cheeks lingering all night

He who tucks me into bed with a kiss

He who tells me his love with a smile

He who opens the car door and walks the outer lane to the road

He who will never let me cry

He whose smile I can hear over the phone

He whose palm hold mine perfectly

He who loves and supports my goals as his own

He who will never let me go to bed unhappy

He who cooks for me with all the love in his heart

He who will lovingly endure all my ridicule and illogicals

He who will never let me down

He whose love for me outshines all happiness in the world

He, my love, my best friend, my better half,

He whom I've yet to meet...

Or probably never.

P.S. Yeah I'm unrealistic. So what. Its just fiction... and everyone has a right to dream once in a while isn't it. I'm feeling morbid tonight... and insomniac too. Sue me. Its the 3rd day of 2007 and already I'm feeling all bitter about life. Great start.

happy new year...

2007-01-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

We piled into Tse Chuen's car... had dinner in 1u at Vietnamese Kitchen, all 9 of us. Food was good (though I can definitely NEVER live in Vietnam, they have WEIRD food which involves lotsa wrapping here and there, which I'm really bad at. Always end up eating the wrap and the filling separately spilled all over my plate... they also have the WEIRDEST coffee!!! It tastes... salty and burnt. No, seriously. Vietnam is not my thing. Never will be.) Anyway we decided not to countdown indoors this year, figured we were getting too old too fast for hating the crowd and decided to PARTY this time instead. Until... we stepped out into the crowd, changed our minds and walked back into the complex immediately. Haha! Guess we are getting old after all...

So we took the lift up to the Upper Roof to see the fireworks. The best part is... we MISSED THE WHOLE COUNTDOWN! Hahahhahaha... and the 2nd best part is we only realised that it was New Year when the fireworks started going off :p

Not to mention, since we were standing on the rooftop, the works were blasting off RIGHT above our heads and little bits and pieces of fireballs from the fireworks were heading straight down for us. Hahahah! For the first 5 seconds we were going "Wowwww... aren't we the smartest... getting the best view... bla bla" and even sat right on the floor leaning back to watch the fireworks right above our heads. That is until we saw little fireballs crashing down...

Hahahahah! So yeap, I watched the fireworks from behind a wall, squatting and... scared shitz that I might catch fire :p All in all, it was still a good start.

That was until... one of us asked "So whats the resolution!". And my mind went completely blank. I don't know if it was blank because I just had not thought of it, or I just had TOO many things that I wanted to change and couldn't sum it all up into ONE resolution. I needed like what... ermm... at least 500 resolutions? I didn't even know WHERE to start pin pointing my life out and figuring which part needs adjusting coz it feels like EVERYTHING needs some adjusting. You see, "Happy New Year" is a WISH, its not a statement. But people say it as though its a statement. Arghh... I'm thinking too much into it.

*sigh* Okay... well other than that part of the night, it was all good :)

~Happy 2007 everyone! And let's hope this year brings less roller coasters and more sunday joy rides :)

P.S. No pictures though... photos are with Biker and Lynn which I will get off them soon. So... till then!

Penang~ 17th-19th Dec 2006

2006-12-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

Our 2 nights stay at Golden Sands which... well wasn't too bad (excluding the horse poo everywhere). Thats the beach in front of the resort. Oh and note that most photos are complimentary to Kai's chunted camera (and photography skills of course). Haha~!

That was actually our first shot of the day... was suppose to be a picture of John and Lynn on the bed but I cut in at the last minute (hence the superman post, the accidental tweety hair above my head and the flying penguin... oh and I think Ravin was trying to kill me with his toiletry bag too).

ME!!! All oily and shiny and extremely tan... sticky with sweat from the heat and sunblock :( The beach is never the place to look your best.

Me and the bestie~!

The 3 of us :)

Then we're off to the beach~!

Some card playing... and cam whoring by the sea...
Forgot what we were doing, but John was saying something and... well forgot what was the face for.

Another one of Kai's "artistic" shots... some Bollywood star ad or other. Hahaha~! Chill man... *peace*

And some jumping around (well ok let me rephrase that, its PLENTY of jumping, it took MANY MANY takes and embarassing jumps like that to perfect that shot :))

Me, Lynn and Ravin... plus mole on the far end actually squashed into the back of Kai's car while John the giant gets to sit in front.

Gurney by day... (which isn't exactly very... clean and pleasant "smelling")

...and Gurney by night (which is technically just dark). Thats a group shot but I was the photographer so... thats the whole group who went... PLUS ME! :)

Then we chill by the beach at night after dinner, watching the stars... and have crap talkz.

And... then we're on our way home~! I took this shot of Kai's car on Penang bridge by sticking my head out of Ravin's sunroof, at 70km/h, balancing my camera... while taking the risk of beheading myself :)

diary of insanity...

2006-12-20T00:56:00.000+08:00

"Me: Life's a bitch. Love's a bitch.
Kai: Nope... we are love's bitch."

And I seriously cannot agree more.

(Yeah I'm morbid...)

Two mice fell into a bucket of cream
One gave up after a few paddles
The other never gave up paddling
Eventually turning the bucket of cream into butter
And climbed out of the bucket alive

~Catch me if you can~

Sometimes its not that you WANT to be the first mouse... but its not easy turning the bucket of cream into butter. Neither do you know if the bucket of cream will ever turn to butter. What if you die of exhaustion even before you turn it to butter?

Have you ever just felt miserable and know that no one can solve your the problem but yourself? You get a vast variety of opinions from everyone... and end up being even more confused. You know what you want and where you should be headed... but you just need the super-duper-incredibly miraculous inspiration of the second mouse.

I'm on the brink.
I need a break from this world.
I need to stop breathing.
If you go, please take my last breath with you.
If you go, please take my heart with you.
If you go, please leave me empty...
So I can be.

~Dearest diary of Insanity

the everyday life...

2006-12-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

Its Tiffin Bay @ Starhill one night... quite a nice slow jazzy place. Very chilling, very... how to say... romantic. Hahahahah! Super couples place.

With Jonathan in town of course... who was quite disappointed that his Smirnoff came neat on the rocks. Hahaha...

Then on some days its KLCC bringing the Mauritian tourist around.

While Kai and I are just... ermm... hanging around waiting the the embarassing tourist to take pictures in shopping complexes, on the streets of The Curve... and Ming Tien in Megah. Well, after a week, I think Ju|cE has learnt the art of blending into the crowd each time the embarassing tourist starts FLASHING his camera around.

The days usually end with mahjong at my place... before hitting the bars later on at night :) OH and we taught JOHN to play mahjong and now he's addicted to it~! Hehehehhe... big accomplishment huh?
P.S. No, we don't dress up to play mahjong :p

Then after mahjong, its Laundry's! Bringing the embarassing tourist as well of course.

Or on some mornings we crazily get up for mahjong... and JOHN gets up too!!! Hahhaha, probably all thanks to dear Regine :p Forgot to take a group pic, but its basically the whole group of us.
Thats our usual yumcha at the kopitiam opposite RedBox before our session... EARLY in the morning. Look at Benson man, hahaha! He really looked SUPER blur that morning... but probably attempting to open his eyes in this picture.

Thats me attempting to make it rain, hehehehe!

Thats our every Monday-Sundays... before the whole week starts again :)

genting...

2006-12-07T02:33:00.000+08:00

Well, its 2.35am and our mahjong+poker sessions just ended... I really should be getting some sleep but just got the photos from Kai, so decided shall do a quick photo blog! Pictures are compliments to Kai's super chunted camera :)

Our Initial-D Genting trip in Ravin's Beemer~!

Just fooling around... (Can't really remember what was happening, think John was playing with the camera... but quite a good candid shot huh? Well, I like it :))

The whole group!

No pictures of while we were up there though... coz we were at the casino for like 99% of the time, the 1% constitute of toilet time and Starbucks time. So yeap, no pictures. Will update more soon! As soon as I get more pics... and as soon as I change my camera, seriously can't stand it anymore. Its splitting open at the seams. No kidding. Lost 2 screws (have no idea where and when I lost it) and now its gaping halfway open. Still can take pictures though, its just... well injured.

Anyway, bed time~! Oh and by the way... lost poker! So have to subsidise Redbox tomorrow *sigh*

More pictures will be coming up soon... from Jonathan's camera. Yeah, he's staying with me and going crazy with John over poker. Should really have taken a picture of them squatting on the floor playing poker... hahahah~!

~toodles!

Pangkor (1st-3rd Dec 2006)

2006-12-03T13:27:00.000+08:00

I'm BacKKkkkkkkk...

Just the 4 of us for the weekend. I can't even begin to explain the whole series of unfortunate events that happened to ME! Honestly. Had me freaking out for a while. Before that...

Thats me, mummy and daddy at the Subang airport before we boarded the mega-fantastic-licious 747 which was "extremely smooth and steady" running on super turbo engine for a 35 minute ride to the island. (not even sure if there was a toilet on board, might have to smash the window and stick your butt out in the case of an emergency)

Arrival on our super jet plane at the Pangkor Island airport...

THEN we were told to wait a century at the hotel lobby for our room to be cleaned up...
Initially...

A century after...

Which was also when I started exploring around and took this picture of the beach...

And the trees...

Thats the villas we stayed in. Forgot to take a picture of the "No Children Allowed" sign. Hahahah! Stated exactly like the "No Dogs Allowed" sign along with the picture of some fierce looking bulldog. (just that there wasn't a picture of a kid) But anyway, the villas we were staying in were meant to be for couples and honeymooners, in other words, no screaming wailing annoying kids running around. Which was GOOD!!! Coz we had this ROMANTIC looking villa... lol~! (with my parents of course) (which was then of course till sis and I turned the GIANT bath tub into a swimming pool, muahahahah~!)

Which had a welcome sign made of flowers arranged on the king sized bed :)

Where you wake up to this view every morning :)

And this sunset everyday from the villa...

And the sunset the following day (yeap, I love sunsets... probably coz I can never make it to kicking myself outta bed to watch the sunrise, AND also the one of the only reasons why I love the west coast!) It was gonna storm... hence the exaggerated effect of the dark sky looming above us.

Occassionally you get the funny friend sitting on our balcony :)

And it is all a bed of roses till you get another funny friend in the sea, Mr. Jellyfish kissing my arm. Everyone's first reaction was, "So did you pee on it?". What the... I didn't even know it was a jellyfish! Until the following day when I woke up with *THIS*

Then in the evening, I stepped on something sharp in the sea... with a bleeding foot, I went KAYAKING! Then saw the hornbills feeding on shore, so I hurried back, rowed like the pro I am back to the beach and tried to take a picture. I said "tried" because while I was adjusting my angle to take a shot, I stepped on some red ants. WAlalalalalalala... so ended up with 8 bites on my feet plus a lot of shouting and screaming while frantically scraping my feet on the sand. *SIGH* And mum started the day with a door slam on my thumb :(

AND P.S. Mum took this pic, coz I was too miserable and injured to the core

All in all... the trip resulted in superly severe food poisoning for sis and a broken tooth for mum AND a jellyfish bite, 8 ant bites, an injured foot, and a throbbing thumb for me :) *does the chicken dance*

coz' i believe...

2006-11-29T12:43:00.000+08:00

I woke up today with the phone in my hand... for some reason I clutched it to sleep last night.

Then like a tidal wave, last night came flooding back.

I frantically searched for a sign of a message I could have missed, or even worse, a phone call I could have missed when I dozed off.

None.

It was you I was waiting for, of course.

Hoping, wishing for a miracle that never happened-

But I'm patient.

Coz' I believe...

home sweet home

2006-11-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

Its raining, its pouring, and Snoopy is snoring... its a bittersweet feeling to be home.

I am ultimately bored. It rains and rains... I wanna go cut my hair but figured after a year of not driving, best idea not to drive in the rain. So I'm just sitting my ass here waiting for the rain to stop and dad to finish his lunch so I can cut my hair after 4 months. Yeap, the last time I actually did something to my hair was in July... its a broom now *sigh*

AND it really isn't a good idea to get up at 9 plus in the morning to have BREAKFAST!!! My goodness... I don't even do that in Sydney. You guys are crazy. Anyway Uncle Lim's is getting a little too sweet... reckon we should find a new place to hang out and have breakfast.

PLUS my dog is SO SKINNY now!!! She's like... half the size she used to be and Kai said she looks like a baby now, so tiny. Well okay, she's not exactly SKINNY yet coz he vet said she SHOULD lose more weight (yeap, she's half the size and still above the healthy weight level...). But I'm really not used to it. She doesn't look like a ball anymore. Now she actually looks decent. Kinda preferred her as the fatty though... Hehe~!

Okay, will add more to this later... dad's done. Gonna go trim the bunch of fur on my head now. Let's go BOWLING tonight!!! Or pool... or karaoke... :p

-------------------------

BACK!!! From my haircut... a yumcha session and a MPH shopping trip.

Blur is GOOD! (well only in photographs)

But yesterday I've realised that reality should never be fogged up that way...

You know, I think I feel a lot better today... Kai and mum really talked a LOT of sense into me. I didn't realise that coming back here would be so difficult. I didn't know how much it would affect me. I mean... its just the whole "coming to terms with reality" matter. I guess I really have to wake up and... stop dreaming. Live in today's moment, not yesterday :)

To think of it, I'm still a child with a dream of a fairy tale ending. Truth is, life is never a fairy tale. Nothing is.

my sunshine...

2006-11-22T12:46:00.000+08:00

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

And do you know dear

How much I miss you

Please don't take my sunshine away

a little more patience...

2006-11-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

I need some patience. A day feels like a year. I've only won 2 outta my 4 battles but somehow these 2 battles are taking FOREVER to come. Just 2 more papers, whats taking SO LONGgggggggggg!!! Then after thattttt, I'm going homeeeeeee sweet home... *sigh* So much for my summer holidays and Gold Coast which is now never gonna come. AND I'm never gonna spend New Year's Eve in Sydney watching fireworks. Instead... I'll be at home at Kayu with my roti tisu and neslo ais. Not that I'm complaining... but... well never mind.

Oh and guess what I've started being addicted to again :p "zazOo" is BACK!!! Well, but nobody is. The last time I logged on, my buddy list was... sad. And now there's a weird looking froggy which keeps spitting green saliva out. *sigh* Reminds me so much of the times we used to spend late nights over at each other's houses playing gb till 3 or 4 then going for maggi goreng at Lotus before going home. Those were the days, gone are those days :(

And having only slept 4 hours plus in the past 24 hours, my eyes can barely open now. God save me please... I need to keep my eyes open tonight~!

lil miss moody

2006-11-16T20:10:00.000+08:00

Its been such a lOoOonngggg time... since... well, since too many things.

For a while back then, a day felt like a month and a week felt like a year. Then when you start trying to bury yourself in work and work being the only security blanket you have, a week flies by and it only felt like a day. Get what I mean? I feel like I've been detached from the world for such a long time. Emotionally detached... and probably physically as well.

There are those days(well like today) where you just feel tired, crappy and just don't feel like talking or even moving. Just lying there in a heap... realising that in half an hour's time you have to get your ass up, get to dinner and bury yourself in work again.

*sigh* I may never even be sitting at a desk studying again. I'm really gonna miss the days where all you have to worry about is "when is the assignment due" and "which test to study for". Other than that, the spare time is just "do whatever you please". For that sole reason, I wanna continue studying and... just live life this way. Working life just sucks. I'm 22 now, I have another what, at LEAST 28 years ahead to work. Whats the fun in that.

I still wanna go to the zoo on weekends, Max Brenners at night... oh and fishing~! And sad truth is I've never been to Gold Coast, even sadder truth is I may never even have the chance to go. *sigh* Yeah I'm speaking as though I'm dying tomorrow, but honestly after I graduate from here, I may probably only come back to Australia like what, once later on in life? There's so many parts of the world I've not seen, why come back to Australia when I've been here for 3 years right. *another long sighhhhhh*

Totally depressing. Back to Chuzzle... and then bed for tomorrow's paper. Bahhh...

today i talked to angels...

2006-11-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

Today... I did the 2nd most unthinkable. I went to the self-help section in Borders, looking for help. Desperately. I don't really know if I was looking for a friend, or was it company, or just... something to help me.

There were 2 girls there too. I picked up a book... on break-ups and happiness. Well, see I'm the kind who doesn't like to admit that I'm unhappy or having problems. I'm more known to laugh off everything... and the only person out there who probably knows the extent to all the crap is Kai(whom I'm probably driving nuts by now). Hence the whole embarassment of standing there holding such a book... an act which took every ounce of strength and dignity I had left in me. Well, I stood there anyway with my head bowed down and wishing I would start blending into the shelves.

Till one of the girls looked at me and asked point blank "Are you getting over someone?". THEN I did the champion of the most champion... and the unthinkable of the MOST UNTHINKABLE acts EVER. Maybe out of loneliness or desperation for help or just pure craziness, I said Yes and I told the girls EVERYTHING... before I could stop it, my eyes started watering. I felt pathetic. Standing at the self-help section and blubbering my problems to 2 unknown people... never would have ever dreamt of that in my whole entire life.

She told me about her break-up... and how she has been trying to get over her ex for a year now. But can't seem to and have not felt any better for a year now. Then the other girl started pouring her heart out about her messy love life. In just 10 minutes, the 2 girls poured their hearts out, and I poured mine. In that 10 minutes... I realised that I wasn't the most hopeless person out there. That I should count myself lucky. That I wasn't really that pathetic after all. That being at the self-help section does not show that I'm a loser for not being able to hold myself together...

Now, I'm not the "superstitious or preacher" kinda person and I'm not going looney either... but as corny as it sounds, I really felt like they were God's helping hands. At the very point of desperation, at the edge of giving up... and exhaustion of crying out for help, He sent 2 angels along my way. Definitely a blessing. A guidance. One which I needed desperately to point me the right way. Coz stepping out of Borders right after, I felt a LOT better. About myself. About what tomorrow may bring.

Now on, I truly believe in the saying "God will never put you through something He knows you wouldn't be able to get through". With all my heart.

By the way, I love this song... and the lyrics :)

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

~Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Shayne Ward

a sign...

2006-11-03T16:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday... I came across a book. I opened it, the first page was on a poem titled "Its Okay".

Saying

Its okay to feel like crying
Its okay to want to be alone
Its okay to regret
Its okay to feel sad
Its okay to sit in the dark
...and only feel comfortable that way

Its okay to not want company
Its okay to want to scream in frustration
Its okay to feel the hurt and pain
Its okay to let yourself think about it
Its okay if you're as strong as you should be
Its okay to break down inside
...and long for yesterday

As long as you know its not forever
As long as you only let it last for a while
Its okay to feel that way

And after I read that... I felt like God was talking to me.

half a sigh of relief...

2006-11-01T00:49:00.001+08:00

As officially the MOST unorganised person in this world, my postgraduate application deadlines were TODAY!!! Yeap, and I only found out at about 1am last night.

Panicking, downloading online application forms and frantically flipping through the prospectus of all 3 unis (which amounts to about 7 booklets) in front of me, all the while thinking to myself "this time I'm seriously dead". When I was initially complaining on and on about how sucky life was getting, suddenly I had something new to occupy myself with and honestly forgotten about everything for the rest of the night... hence the super peaceful sleep :p

Thats of course till I jumped out of bed at 11 plus frantically calling UniSyd's International Office and couldn't get any damn person to pick up the phone. *gRrr* Was seriously contemplating on giving up the application to them... then everyone said that I should give it a try anyway. So there I went... a big big thanks to my darling @ always the Mr. Superman who saved the day(as usual) and never fails to go "its done... stress for nothing! *shakes head*". See, I teach YOU to lighten up and "CHILL", in turn, you help ME be organised (though it has not really been working, hehe).

So there! Hahahaha... thats 2 applications done for today. To Macquarie and to UniSyd. Remaining one is UNSW which is only due end of next month which I have no bloody time on my hands now to do anything about (Yeah yeah, I'll probably put it off till last minute and only realise that the deadline is tomorrow when I'm back in KL, hahaha! Actually there's a very high chance of that happening).

A'ight mates... thats HALF a sigh of relief. Now the job application. Followed by finals... *ARGH* I need to be done with this and get my ass home... I really really really want to be home!

Oh and Kai thank you so much for making me feel better just now. You've never failed at that :) Definitely my shoulder to cry on and pillar of support. I know you've heard the same sob stories over and over again... and have given the same boring advice over and over again, please don't give up on me ok. Hahaha! Please knock sense into me. I need it. You've definitely kept me walking in quite a straight line and staying level-headed... and I intend on keeping up with it, though I've failed on a few accounts :( Oh and not to mention, you're getting really good at sensing that something's wrong. Coz even before I even get pass the "hey, are you free to talk" stage, you're already at the "whats wrong" stage... (and that's getting a little freaky). I don't only call you when I'm unhappy! I call you when I need to feed some crappy rubbish off too :p As I said, we only have each other this summer, John is married. Hahahahah!

All in all, its not such a bad day after all... other than a few slips, its definitely better than the rest :)

P.S. Kai, before I forget, I think you should go with the pink shirt. Pink is IN! Girls AND certain "Guys" will dig pink :) Hahahah! (this dude messages me at 3.30am asking me "may... pink or blue? is pink gay?") *exasperated sigh*

life is a bed of thorns...

2006-10-30T17:53:00.000+08:00

Thank you so much Jonathan and Sylvia for the beautiful flowers and the even more beautiful testimony :) Though I knew about it before the night. *cheers* to my final semester and final month I guess. Hopefully graduation is around the corner.

Thats me on stage... receiving my testimony, and embarassed to core.

My cert and my flowers... which came as a surprise from Jonathan and Sylvia. Thank you both, you guys are so sweet :)

The 3 of us *HUGGIESSsss*

...and a KISS!!! I'm gonna miss you guys so much. Really.

Group picture, well not all, probably just 1/3 of us... don't really have a complete group picture of the night.

L>R: Homer(yeap, the boss), me, Jonathan and Sylvia
The finance team~!

Anyway I'm really not ready to graduate. I curse the alarm every morning I have to get up to work. I look at my watch every 10 minutes just waiting for work to be over. And thats just 12 hours a week. Can't imagine 5 days a week. Another long *sigHhhhhh*.

Right... again, its not a good day. I think I'm going mental. Kai and John says I am apparently driving myself crazy and should take a break. I think I need a break too. Life is a bed of thorns. It is painful and it sucks whichever way you lie on it, probably just less painful at certain angles. Don't you agree?

curiosity killed me :p

2006-10-26T08:48:00.000+08:00

Lookie lookie people... see what I found on the office desktop~! Hehehehe!!! Jon & Sylvia are SO gonna kill me for this, but I can't help it! I was curious!!! Hehehehe... and Jon spent a good whole 15 mins bugging me to tell him if I took a peak at it. OF COURSE I did! Sylvia would have known that I obviously did, even if I lied and said I didn't. She knows I'm a super-try-hard-surprise-spoiler. Muahahahah! So now I can go back to my room, wear my dress, look at the mirror and practise my "hyperly surprised & touched" facial expressions :p

---------------------------------------------

YONG SUE MAY

Just 5 semesters ago… when we first got to know her….we thought she was just another gentle and innocent looking creature…just like any other girl. BUT we were so WRONG! Behind her sweetie-pie image is a cheery, hyper, crazy, talkative, funny and full of drive young lady. In one word, Suemay is just simply FABULOUS!

Suemay is an ICE CREAMholic, CHOCO-holic and SHOPPerholic. She is the sleeping beauty who will only wake up at the strike of 12noon. Suemay also has the loudest laughter. She embarrasses us by letting out her thunderous laughter attracting the attention of everybody around. She got so engrossed in messaging that she actually flew down the stairs and got herself the infamous chin too. She listens to our problems and gives us valuable advices. Suemay is a friend who will always be there for us. In all, Suemay has already become part of our life in Sydney.

Suemay, we just want to let you know that you’re the sweetest and nicest angel. Thanks for brightening our life with your smile and laughter. Thanks for being such a great friend
Congratulations in completing your degree and we want to wish you all the best for what the future holds for you. Last but not least…It’s a joy to know you and YOU WILL ALWAYS be MISSED!

Remember!

It takes a min to find a special person
An hour to appreciate them,
A day love them,
But then an entire life to forget them.

Your friendship is one that we deeply treasure and you’ll always remain in our hearts.

---------------------------------------------

*awWwwwww* So so so sweet of you guys, really~!

Heheheh! Would have been a really sweet testimonial if Jon didn't freak out and called Sylvia at 9am in the morning to call for an emergency new testimonial writing. Bwahahahah!!! One which he says is gonna include me spoiling the whole surprise this morning and apparently revealing ALL that they shouldn't reveal!!! :(

P.S. I love you guys, I'm sure you guys STILL love me too right? rigHt riGht Right? Hehehe, whatever it is, you guys made my day :)

its a depressing week...

2006-10-25T19:27:00.000+08:00

They say "shopping cures unhappy hearts"... 10 minutes and 140 bucks later at Nine West, I honestly do not feel any happier. Haha~! In fact maybe a little more broken hearted than ever, coz I now have a bigger hole in my wallet than ever. If any happiness, it will be a saddistic one, GrEaT. But you guys should really see my shoes :) Its gorgeous! (now that is temporary happiness)

Then they say "chocolate cures broken hearts"... 3 Mars bars and HEAPS of dark and milk chocolate chips later, again I do NOT feel any happier. In fact more depressed than ever, coz I now may not be able to fit into my dress for Valedictory Dinner on Friday. Great. Then you get an elephant standing on stage in her graduation cloak receiving her testimony from Jonathan and Sylvia whom I am QUITE sure are ALL OUT to embarass me. Yeah yeah, revenge for all the embarassment I brought you guys. "Apparently" I laugh too loud in cinemas, and anywhere else for that matter. Oh and flying undies from the balcony... which is not my fault. Its the damn wind~!*grumblez* Oh and incorporating the factor of the photo shoot this Friday, I'm gonna look like CRAP since chocolates gives you pimples... *ARGH* Then everyone out there's gonna take one look at the DLC brochure and stay far FAR away from "the place with ugly, grumpy & chronically depressed people". *gRrr-raWr*

I desperately need a hot cup of Jasmine Tea, heaps of chocolates & ice creams, 6 seasons re-runs of Sex & The City, HEAPS of some sad love drama where EVERYBODY dies in the end (no happy endings please) and a big box of tissues so I can cry cry cry and look like crap to match the crappiness I feel...

P.S. Sorry Mel, you will have to excuse my ugliness this Saturday. Its the brokeness + the chocolates + the grumpiness + the unhappy soul + all the crappiness in this world all rolled into one to form your former human-looking friend.

P.P.S. Jonathan & Sylvia, I know I've said this GAZILLION times but I love you guys, I'm sure you both love me too :) So... *hint-hint* *i'll buy you guys Easy Way* PLEASE keep the embarassment MINIMAL!!!

P.P.P.S. Welcome to the "Troubled People's Depression Club"... I'm currently the President. Sylvia is my Vice.

what's wrong...

2006-10-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

Everyday... I put up a front to meet the outside world. Its like wearing make-up just that this is "attitudinal make-up". The moment I step out of my room, I'm a different person as I am by myself behind closed doors... there are only those few who really knows who I am, and even so, not completely.

There's a sadness. The moment I step in, everything comes flooding back. Its overwhelming. Its like revisiting all thats unhappy over and over again. It is like watching a really bad video replay itself over and over again... every single day. A constant reminder of everything in the past, present and future. So much I wish to change. Stuff I try to ignore everyday so I can live my life day by day, one day at a time without collapsing... praying it will all be alright soon, when I know for a fact that it will never be alright. I will never be alright. I will never be the same again. I don't know how far am I succeeding in ignoring it all... all I know is that whatever it is thats bothering me occupies 99.9% of the space in my room. So overwhelming to the extent I can barely breathe when confined in my own space. Its becoming claustrophobic. Just that there's not really any actual confinement. Get what I mean? *sigh* Its complicated.

I think I might just go into silent depression... the kind where nobody knows but you. There is SO MUCH that nobody knows but me. There's not a chance to say it, nor are there any words to form them all either. It just hangs in front of me silently. I know what it is, I see it, but I can't begin to tell. I try getting it off me all the time... all my conversations starting with "you know..." ends up with "*sigh* nvm". I just don't know how to get it off me. I can't... and its killing me. Kai says its a phase, a temporary one. But somehow I don't feel so. Well not at the moment, not yet. I feel like it is here to stay... forever. I feel so haunted that I have nowhere to hide. This is me behind closed doors.

Answer is "Everything", question is "What's wrong".

just another one of those "days"...

2006-10-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

Its one of those days... where you wake up and you know its not gonna be a good day. A day where you wish you were non-existent. One where you wish you could escape alone, lie on the beach all day, listen to the waves rolling, watch the sunset, witness the stars appearing on the velvet sky, and think about nothing at all. Or just simply, not have a life for a day. Get what I mean?

Instead I spent my day which started at 8.30am at work, then off to uni to only discover that the we got the assignment all wrong, rushing back to work, then rushing back to uni again, then back again... the kind of day where you feel more mechanically-driven than human. No emotions, not even a hint of exhaustion. Not even sure if I'm still alive. I like it... numbs the pain of a depressing day.

Oh and guess what again... its 12.30am now, its officially Friday the 13th. 20% MKTG202 assignment is due and 30% ECON335 test in 15 hours time. Definitely not a good day again tomorrow. *sigh* Ironically, right at my lowest point in life, listening to The Eagles-Desperado on repeat for about 7 times, I stumble across a saying...

"God will never be so unkind to present you with something He knows you cannot get through"

Comforting huh? Its good consolation, but definitely NOT true. *sigh* Somehow I find, the more you pray for a better day tomorrow, the worst it becomes. You become increasingly suicidal day by day. Its better to live like a zombie and choose not to feel or see, else I'm afraid I might collapse and may never be able to get up again. Ever.

I should really put on Desperado again...

the moment...

2006-10-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

You know that moment

Where you're about to say something, or do something

Then your breath gets caught in your throat,

Just for that millisecond

Then the moment is gone

Just like that,

What was meant to be said, right at the tip of your tongue

What was meant to be done

Is instead replaced with a tear,

A sharp pain the chest

And life goes on

As though the moment never came

a regret that will stay...

2006-09-27T15:18:00.000+08:00

I made mistakes I'm not proud of. I owe apologies I will never be able to repay and make up for. I know I am wrong, and I truly regret it from the bottom of my heart for not being strong enough before to take a stand... hence making a mistake I will live to regret and hurting people I love and care about.

As ironic as it seems, through all the lies, I care. Some people say that lying is not a sin until you do it with an ill intention. Well I always thought so too until today. I'm sorry I lied.

I am sorry for what I did, given a chance to turn back time, I would have done it differently. Don't get me wrong, I have thought about the consequences for it. I was too weak to take a strong stand and that has lead me to take a selfish turn. I know what I did is inexcusable and I do not expect any forgiveness. I just want you both to know that I am truly sorry though I know that "sorry" will never mend all that I have broken.

I will not say that my reasons for it are sound. Neither will I defend myself. I was wrong. All out in the open, I admit that I am wrong and I am not proud of it. I deserve to be left outside the airport at 3am in the morning and I will not hold it against you for that.

Thank you to the friends whom have judged me, told me off to the face and yet being there for me all at the same time. Thank you Jonathan and Sylvia who sat through all my tears and for holding back from telling me I'm a bitch. Especially Sylvia, for sitting beside me in the middle of the night without a question, without any judgement listening to my mistake. Thank you John for telling me off in the face yet at the same time being the best friend ever, you have no idea how much I appreciate having someone to walk beside me.

I'm sorry... truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I regret it, believe me I do.

*ski trip~!

2006-08-29T12:40:00.000+08:00

Its gonna be a HUMONGOUS photo blog!!! SKI TRIP WAS FUN!!!

We left Macquarie at 3 plus, took the bus down to QVB and lugged our bags, bottles of water, cartons of noodles and tons of chips over to Sydney Entertainment Centre. THEN stuffed ourselves with Maccas before getting on the bus because the bus dude said we're not stopping anytime soon for dinner, AND we cannot bring our food on the bus. OK GREAT. So fine...

Finally leaving at 6 plus, bus dude said we should get to Maccas (yeah, another Maccas... so much for the stuffing our faces) at 8. THEN we got stuck in a jam... as in REALLY stuck in a jam for almost 2 hours... IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!! God forsaken land... apparently there was an accident in front. So there we are, sitting in the bus, holding our bladders and watching heaps of police cars, ambulances and fire engines zoom past. Right... so we finally did the *unthinkable*. While the guys were standing next to the highway *doing their thing*, the girls were ALSO squatting next to the highway *doing their thing*. Right, I know it sounds totally gross but THERE WASN'T A CHOICE!!! (I'm assuming the people who read my blog are my close friends... I hope). So there... got to Maccas at 10 and the rest of the trip is delayed by 2 hours.

Got to our "hotel" with 4 bunk beds per room and slept like the 7 dwarves for that night for ONLY 3 hours before getting up again at 6.30 to go SKIING!!!

*Perisher Blue~!
Oh and not to mention, before we even entered the place, we saw this dude, reversing out of control heading straight for the frozen river until Terence caught hold of him. Haha~! Then the next thing we know, someone was being rushed down from the mountains on a stretcher with 3 medics around. What a start... so much for feeling secure.

Lookie lookie at us... all ready~! And know nuts about anything of skiing... YET.

Yeap yeap, took off our jackets... its BURNING hot! Maybe due to all the tumbling around and all the attempts to crab walk on the slopes. But it was a REALLY really hot day.

Just looking cool... we were in fact tumbling around behind the scenes.

Sylvia and I on the slopes!!! (Don't worry gal, I won't include your *star moments* in my blog :p hahahah~!) But Sylvia was really the star of the day!

This is our dear dear friend Sylvia... walking down the slope. HAHAHA!!! Gal, I will never forget the moment Jonathan and I saw you walking down. *priceless*!!! Up till last night, the both of us were still laughing when we saw this pic. You are so FUNNY!!! Hehe! As usual, you have never failed to highlight our day :p (its a compliment!)

Group pic in our room!!! We had to split 2 rooms coz there were only 4 bunk beds per room (aka 8 beds). Thats OUR ROOM photo!

Anyway we all had a really fun time at the end of the day... :p and a VERY tiring one. Imagine sleeping for 3 hours and tumbling down the mountains for the whole of the next day... not to mention all that "crab walking" and Vs we did to make it outta that place alive.

The next day...

*Thredbo~!
Me on the riverside... before taking the ski lifts up! We didn't ski on Sunday anyway, figured we didn't have much time so we only rented our skis for the day before. Oh well... it was FUN anyway!

This is beautiful beautiful Thredbo...

On the ski lifts!!! Because there were 13 of us, Jonathan was the odd one out sitting alone and hanging on to dear lift because his chair was tilted! HAHAHA!!! Poor thing...

Then we had a snowball fight at the top!! Thats our team lead by Jonathan! :p

Versus THEIRS! Lead by Eric... who was hiding most of the time anyway and who declared himself a spy in the end and tried coming in to our team. Haha!

Thats all 13 of us on Thredbo...

Thats 3 of us on Thredbo...

Jonathan and I lining up to take the ski lifts back down :p

Then... we go back :( leaving thredbo, on the bus again for another 7 hours.

Arrived at 7.30 Sunday night... fell dead asleep that night. Up at 10 on Monday morning to STUDY for MKTG202 test... what a hit back to reality. *sigh*

him...

2006-08-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

He makes me smile without ever having the need to.
He makes me laugh with the silliest things he says.
He cracks the lamest jokes to cheer me up.
He does the silliest things in public to make me laugh.
He is the reason and my sunshine everyday.

He takes my hand lovingly before crossing the road every time.
He walks on the roadside protectively while letting me walk on the inside.
He sings to me in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.
He takes me shopping every weekend without an utter of complain.
He tucks me to bed when I've had too much to drink.
He lovingly takes me in his arms in the cinema to watch my favourite cartoons.
He gives me his jacket when I am cold without a moment of hesitation.
He messages me in the middle of the day telling me how much he misses me.
He puts his arms around me before looking into my eyes,
Saying "You will never know how much I love you".
He shares his blanket with me and lovingly lets me hog it.
He holds me close to sleep at night.
He gives me little surprises for no reason at all.
He lovingly lets me listen to my favourite songs in his car.
He tells me he only loves me more with every passing day.

He tells me I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.
He tells me how my imperfections are nothing short of perfect.
He holds me close in the cold, enveloped in his arms.
And there's not a place in the world I wish I'd rather be.

He tries his best to make me happy.
He tries even harder to change for me.
He is patient, he is kind.
He completes me.
And I love him.

Waking up next to him in the morning
Is God's greatest blessing...

for you... only

2006-08-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

And I'm scared
If I close my eyes to sleep
Tonight

Will you still catch me if I fall
Will you still come running if I call
Will you still be my shelter when it rains
Will you still hold me close to soothe the pain
Will you still hold my hand
Will you still be my best friend
Will you still miss me baby
Will you still love me unselfishly
Tomorrow
The day after
And after

And I'm scared
If I close my eyes to sleep tonight
You may not love me tomorrow
Nor the day after
Nor after...

Nor anymore.

The Chin

2006-08-02T21:11:00.000+08:00

Right right... the latest is The Chin. And the question of the week has been "...what happened to your chin?" after a lot of staring followed by "OMG! Are you OK??" then some laughing too. Besides being terrible embarassed and unable to laugh too much now just in case I stretch The Chin, I am perfectly fine. Just wish the bluish blackish would go away, its getting too much attention. *sigh* For those who have not asked me the question of the week, I flew down the stairs. No, its not a Superman thingy, just kinda missed a footing and with one hand on the phone and the other on my file, was trying to do some acrobatic ninja moves hoping to land on my feet but... kinda *Jack and Jill rolled the hill* and landed 4 steps forward on The Now Famous Chin. Was quite funny initially... everything went flying in the air and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, seeing stars, with a bruised and bleeding chin, shoulder and thigh. And a couple of dudes were running up from nowhere asking if I was ok. Haha! Then it started hurting like a (!*#&(@$&@$ and it wasn't really that funny anymore :(

That was the first day... then the following day it just turned redder, more swollen and more bluish blackish. Till now... just too depressing to take another picture.

Its funny how it takes something so major to happen to realise how many things you took for granted all this while. You just overlook things when you get too used to it. Things which are suppose to be special... and a bonus just becomes a norm. In other words, taking things for granted. Not deliberately though. But still.

For example (in my case) would be the luxury of brushing your teeth without wincing in pain when the mint touches the wound... the luxury of towelling yourself dry without having to stretch in all sorts of akward positions to avoid the bruises... and the luxury of bouncing down the stairs everyday without having to be PARANOID now that I'll make another Superman debut. I just can't wait to be NORMAL again. Oh and not to mention taking 20 minutes every morning to wash, apply medicine and plaster my wounds. You never know what you have till you don't have it anymore. SERIOUSLY. Nothing could get more pathetic than sitting here with my jacket off one shoulder just so it won't touch the wound on my shoulder and fending my hair off my chin and shoulder every now and then so it won't touch :(

I've learnt my lesson well...
#1. Stairs are scary monsters in a cement disguise
#2. I am not Superman's daughter
#3. I will NOT let the little special things in life become a norm

my best friends...

2006-07-27T23:39:00.000+08:00

Specially for you both...

Thank you so much for always being there for me. For driving over at wee hours of the morning to lend me a shoulder to cry on. For going for long drives, parking at the park, watching the stars and chatting for long hours, just about everything in life. For just simply sitting beside me watching the crowd go by, for watching the stars twinkle when we've ran out of things to say. For just accompanying me. For having the best "silent conversations" ever. For bringing me chocolates and lollies at the lowest turning points in my life. For waking up at 3am in the morning to listen to me cry my eyes out and complain. For having the same love of Uncle Lim's, "yum char" and chit-chatting at absolutely any time of the day. Simply for always being there for me regardless of the time of day.

Thank you for making everything seem less bad. For turning tears to laughters. For setting things right in my life. For telling me straight off in the face when I do something wrong. For never EVER judging me, no matter what I do. For always standing on my side. For accompanying me for drinks and ciggies whenever life sucks bad. For understanding the unreasonable. For listening to the same ol' complains you've probably heard a MILLION times over and over again. Best of all, for never telling me "I told you so".

And John just makes our day all the better with his moronic jokes... though he doesn't do much in solving problems, he definitely lightens the mood and makes you forget about life's sorrows temporarily. You have to agree with me on that. His standard lines are "Uh... oh... CHILL LA!!! Come, lets have a beer and check out chix" :) God, I miss that. Oh and I'll never forget that time in college when he WALKED (yeah, he actually walked) over to my place, brought 4 cans of beers, and we sat outside my house next to the drain, talked, cried and drank. Plus all those times he came over in the middle of the night to keep me company and played Puzzle Bubble till 4 in the morning. You guys have been the best~! Would never have pulled through and wouldn't STILL be pulling through... would not even come close if it weren't for the both of you.

Thank you both so much for being the brothers I never had. For being the bestest BeStEsT friends in the world. I could never ask for more. Thank you for being there for me 24/7 365 days. For all that I've been through... as of recent especially, thank you for not judging me. Thank you for standing by me. I know I can always count on you both to tell me "Yes, you are right" each time I need reassurance in the decisions I make. Thank you for believing in me.

Thank you Kai and Dee... *hugs*

just another post

2006-07-26T19:08:00.000+08:00

*WOOT*

Guess what... I'm still managing to graduate on schedule at the end of the year~! BWAHAHAHA!!! Just one more semester and I have a DEGREE!!! Kakakakaka!!! Ok, shall not laugh too soon, but the thought of graduating with a *degree* is intimidating. And actually wearing that funny hat, and the ROBES and carrying that scroll, with mummy and daddy here... *ahhHHHhh* I think I'm about to have a seizure :)

AND I'm having 4-day-weekends this semester!!! Muahahahah!!! IN yer face DudeS & DudEtteS!!! Okay, don't mean to so mean but its like striking lottery to me :p Never happened to me before, never been that lucky. But then again, plus all the working hours, I probably don't get such a long weekend, but at least I'm getting PAID~! *tee-hee* which also EQUALS more guilt-free shopping. Which is ANOTHER reason to celebrate... with more shopping. Hahahah! And the cycle never ends...

Oh and mummy said that cousin Jenny is getting married on September 17... and everyone's excited and making dresses, and getting all hyped up. How I miss that. Think its just my family. We absolutely LOVE weddings and granny's birthday. Its like... PROM! We("we" refers to ALL the girls) get together EARLY in the morning, get our hair done, our make-up done, pick up our dresses and look all pretty. Its a BIG THING!!! Hahahah, seriously. I really really miss that. Just hoping Karen waits for me to get back before she gets married, and she better do!!! Our bridesmaid agreement has been there since we were... 10? :p How I wish I was home at times like these *ish*

I know this is random but I miss Oopy... *sigh* You see right, if I miss mummy or daddy, I can call and talk to them. But I've only heard my dog bark at cats in the background or the sudden outburst of cries from my mum which goes "SNOOPY!!! COME BACK DOWNSTAIRS NOW!!!" *sigh* As annoying as the dog can get at times, she's adorable...

She's not pregnant... she's just a little chubby (she's not FAT!!! well ok maybe a little... at times... or most of the time... but still adorable ANYWAY! :))

Hiding under the chair... she hates having her picture taken. Hates the camera flash... ahhahaha coz I think there was once when she was still a puppy, sis and I flashbanged her with the camera. Which kinda put her into a permanent scare of cameras :p

something worth pondering...

2006-07-09T18:15:00.000+08:00

"Somewhere out there is the girl you're supposed to marry and if you don't get her first, somebody else will... and then, you'll have to spend the rest of your life thinking that somebody else is married to your wife."

From the movie "When Harry Met Sally"

career switch...

2006-07-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

Hey HEY!!! I think I should have been a pilot... would be SO COOL!!! Get to wear cute hats and little ties... with some stripeys here and there. And go "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen... *ahem* This is your captain, Miss Sue May Yong". WOO-HOoooOO!!! Here we gOoooooooo...

Okay, I think by then, people would start banging on doors demanding refunds and begging to be let out of the plane. Hahaha! Actually, yeah I've hit curbs and scratched my car while parking next to pillars but theres nothing in the air to be banging onto (well, unless its another plane... *shrugs*). So YEAH!!! I may not make a good driver but I may make hell of a PILOT!!! Not a bad idea after all... hate every second of finance anyway :) *worth a thought*

Thats Mr. Ravin Sharma's uniform anyway. Stunning huh? HAHAHAHAH!!! Okok, please wipe that weird look off your face...

And this is from the last time Ravin was here... (which I stole off his friendster) *ahem*

From the last time too... (and also off his friendster too :))

I am OFFICIALLY bored and pathetic here... with only Sex and The City and Mrs. Field's Chewy Choc Fudge Cookies to look forward to everyday. Oh and shopping too. So theres a high chance I'll end up as a broke fatty with huge large specs from too much movies. See, if I was a pilot I won't be facing this prob. I'll be off somewhere in Milan at the moment... shopping!!! Right. Haha... ~toodles

kay-dee in sydney...

2006-07-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

My long time bud. Unbelievable that we used to hate each other and couldn't stand the sight of each other... well that was more than 10 years ago. But over time, kay-dee can be classified as the most irritating yet the bestest I could ever ask for. Hahahah! Yeah ok though he annoys me like more than 50% of the time but I don't think I can ever survive if he ever comes close to being a saint. (You're so NOT a saint... seriously, seriously) Oh and "THANKS" for passing the "seriously" word to me. Now I just can't stop "seriously-ing". OmG... how annoying man, seriously. (ok, there we go again *gRrr*) Anyway just some photos... :) And sorry in advance for the loading time. Quite a few pictures... another photo blog!!!

Thats in Minus 5... well it was apparently -16 degrees in there (so much for "Minus 5"). Its really cool actually... given that EVERYTHING in there was made out of ice. And its FREEZING in there. Its no wonder you're only allowed in there for half an hour. My fingers were FREEZING in the end. Felt like there were needles or some other. Kinda bad... maybe due to the fact that I was so impressed with everything in there and running my gloves over just about every table top and statue in there (couldn't resist, it was made of ice... kinda cool). PLUS we have to put on these REALLY thick heavy furry jackets and they made me wear ugh boots... with plastic bags as socks. GREAT! Oh and kinda yummy drink they served though... don't really know what it is. Vodka something something...

Thats a self-shot of us at QVB... doing some shopping.

And thats on Darling Harbour at night... while waiting for Sabby. Had dinner at Waterfront. Not too bad. Though we always had Blue Fish, but getting kinda sick of the food.

With Sabby!!

Oh and this is random but thats my new pride and joy... :) Kinda cute huh? Though kay-dee said its not a "chicky" shoe, more of a tomboyish, casual shoe. But I LOVE IT!!!

Oh and... a random narcissistic shot *shy*. But I LOVE my scarfffff and my bagggg!!! And actually the boots I was wearing too but couldn't catch it in the pic :( So but anyway yeah, please excuse me. HAHA!