speechless...

Life is so ironic, so unfair, that I could laugh out loud. Its so... totally unfair that its hilarious. Things that happen to me, only happen in movies. Truly. The whole drive home I've had only one thought in my head "why me".

Someone told me today... it takes more to hate than to love. I agree.

But it takes more out of me to be upset than to be angry. Anger gives you determination. Sadness doesn't. That's just my opinion. Anger holds me together... simply because if I were less angry, I'd just crumble. And if I fall, who's there to catch me :) Which is why, I rather be angry, and not fall, although it takes more out of me. I know it sounds silly, so much so I feel like laughing, screaming, crying at the same time.

And for what apparent reason? Too many.

There were days in the past, where I felt like I couldn't go on... but my mantra was "God won't put you through what He knows you won't pull through". Or alternatively if that doesn't work, I'd tell myself the lame excuse "It's fate" although I don't really believe in that. I believe you've gotta work for what you want, nothing is gonna fall on your lap. Risk-reward system :) By risking, you throw yourself in, and of course run the risk of crash&burn. Then again, if you don't, you will never, for the rest of your life know how it all could have been.

There's a saying... "I'd rather have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Now that's a classic example of a risk-reward system :) Though if you crash&burn, there's no one to blame or be angry at, other than yourself. Then again, on the upside, I know I wouldn't be curious for the rest of my life wondering how it all could have been. Its a vicious cycle, I know.

Well... what can I say. I'm speechless.

Do you know what holds for me at that end over there?


Well... neither do I.