sheep counting...

Its 7.35am on a Saturday morning...

I don't even get up this early when I'm working.

Slept at 1. Kept hearing a roaring sound, woke up at 3. Went back to bed.

Dreamt I was back in Sydney, and for some reason back at Dunmore Lang College, and staying at the old wing! The feeling when mum first left me there in my first year, was all too familiar. The only difference is, this time I know where the dining hall is, where the bathrooms are. Though obviously the people I once knew there are no longer there. I'm all alone. Apparently pursuing my MBA.

Woke up at 5.30 again. Went back to bed, dreamt of work.

Woke up now. Entirely give up trying to sleep. This feeling, this restless sleep. This countless dreams I encounter in one night, reminds me of exam days. You know those days where you sleep with a friggin' anxiety attack? Well, I do. When I'm worried, or restless, just having too many thoughts in my head, this tends to happen. Though during study days, my consecutive dreams at night were all about... either the paper the following day, or some bizarre formulas running through my head.

Anyhow... I keep thinking about that quote, I saw next to the lift door yesterday at client's office. I remember pointing it out and laughing, mentioning how MrKPH the pessimist should make that quote his life mantra.

I can't remember the exact words, but this is roughly how it went...

"When one door closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us"

I found it quite meaningful. And true. And I was telling MissST over dinner earlier over a bowl of puffy mushroom soup (which was a very good recommendation, babe) that we're way too pessimistic for our own good. Pessimism literally eats you up, inside out. And I've seen people go down that road, headed straight for a disaster. I guess the key to that quote is, you just have to "stop staring at the closed door", it friggin' ain't opening again. It's a sign that you have to find a different approach!

Classic example.... Beauty and the Beast.

See, Belle got stuck in the castle with the Beast. True, she did camp out in her room for a while just simply drowning herself in sorrow and self-pity of being stuck with a Beast and losing her dad. But the moment she put that thought/attitude aside, she started seeing a lighter side to things. She even fell in love with the castle (and the Beast) and would have stayed, had she not found out her dad was ill. See that? The moment you stop staring at the closed door, another opens. Its true.

I do think a lot... well, I definitely think more than I show. I'm not really the kind who can chuck things aside and tell myself "screw it". The moment I can achieve that, I've clearly put a lot of thought into it beforehand. I won't say I'm a rash person, most definitely am not. Which is also probably why I'm in DCM, and financial modelling, analysing project bankabilities, rather than being a trader and taking giant amounts of risk at Treasury. Haha! It would probably take my like half a day to make a decision and by then, market conditions would have changed, and I'd need another half day to go through my thoughts again.

I guess bubbly personalities can sometimes be deceiving :) Though overall, I'd still very much like to think that I'm a happy-go-lucky person. I still think I am *dances around*.